Recovering from the Wound That Never Heals

September 19, 2018

6:01 PM

Rape of Dinah

"Rape of Dinah," a 15th to 16th century painting by Giuliano Bugiardini, a Renaissance image of the story of Genesis 34:1-2. (Wikimedia Commons Photo)

Though it happened almost 40 years ago now, I've never forgotten it. The latest allegations of sexual abuse of a woman by a man in power have brought back all the emotions connected to the time I was assaulted myself. That's why I tend to believe her whenever a woman comes forward these days to speak out about a previous sexual assault by a powerful man.

Since acknowledging to myself the attack that I had repressed for so many years, I've recognized in every woman's story the same truths as in mine. The reality that sexual abuse isn't about sex, it's about power. Always. The intimidation and oppression during and after such assaults. The terrible cost of speaking out, in lost income, professional opportunities, reputations, credibility, even from one's own family. Of these, Dr. Susan Brooks Thistlethwaite, professor of theology and president (1998-2008) at Chicago Theological Seminary writes in The Moral Imperative of #BelievetheWomen:

"What the #MeToo movement has revealed is not only how widespread the many forms of sexual assault and abuse of women are, but also how widespread are the suppressive mechanisms that cause women to be disbelieved when they try to tell what has happened to them. ... I tell you, I strongly believe when women and girls experience assault or attempted assault they never forget it, even though they may try to push it out of their minds.

"... The mechanisms that facilitate the widespread disbelief of women demonstrate a fundamental moral error. I think the disbelief of women reveals that we are, at bottom, an indecent society because our very power structure depends on this disbelief of those who have been abused or exploited."

Dr. Thistlethwaite articulated far better than most of us the "big picture" facing we who bear the spiritual and psychological wounds of sexual assault, wounds that never really heal. My friend and colleague, the Rev. Dr. Christy Thomas, says something similar in her current column, "Support Sexual Predators! They Are Biblical, After All." And to my anger and disgust, the one Insight comment Dr. Thomas has received thus far on her column is from someone who sees her outrage only as a partisan political statement, totally blind to the reality of rampant sexual abuse that is its central theme. For a truly harrowing story of how much the culture of disbelief damages women, read Elizabeth's Bruenig's Washington Post account of what happened to cheerleader Amber Wyatt after she reported her rape by two high school athletes in 2006.

So yes, we women are mad as hell, and we're speaking out, and that's good. Yet as time goes on, and more women speak out, I find myself wondering at what point speaking out moves from being helpful to re-traumatizing us survivors. For me and others like me, getting to the point of being able to say "this happened," takes so much fortitude that we can't face the prospect of seeking justice from our violators, especially years after the event. I'm amazed that Dr. Christine Blasey Ford has chosen to speak up alleging sexual assault by Judge Brett Kavanaugh when it makes her so vulnerable. Sen. Maizie Hirono's instruction for men to "shut up, and step up," expresses my anger but it's still anger, however justified. I'm coming to the conclusion that stewing in our anger and hurt only keeps the wound festering. So what is the answer?

A friend of mine, the Rev. Dr. Steve Harper, recently wrote a post for Ministry Matters, "Mad as Heaven," that I think touches upon what #MeToo and #ChurchToo have revealed:

"... God calls us not to get stuck in negativism and criticism, but rather to move on to resistance. God calls us to move beyond emotion to engagement. Seeing and naming what’s wrong is important, but it is not enough. We must move on to working for what is right. And in biblical language that is the kingdom of God. To be 'mad as heaven' is to live congruently with the virtues of the kingdom of God and to work actively to construct it wherever and however we can."

To know "the virtues of the kingdom of God" requires us to go back to the gospels. God trusted a woman, Mary of Nazareth, to bring the Redeemer into the world, but only after she gave her consent. Mary's son, Jesus, taught his followers that love of God and love of neighbor – women included – were the paramount virtues of true faith. Jesus treated women with the respect, courtesy and kindness that showed those virtues.

Women and men who work for these virtues will face intense, frightening derision and resistance. We need only look at what's happening now to understand how threatening such advocacy will be to the current power structures that disbelieve women in order to continue subjugating them. Yet there is no turning back, for courageous women in church and society are pulling back the veil to reveal the evil beneath our own systems. We're called to honor their courage by supplanting that evil with good.

Cynthia B. Astle serves as Editor of United Methodist Insight, which she founded in 2011.

Comments (4)

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For a more nuanced view please read

https://harpers.org/archive/2018/03/the-other-whisper-network-2/ Yes, I do strongly object to persons who characterize most men as sexual predators and am forced to speak out against those who cavalierly cast aside the presumption of innocence. Rev. Thomas defamed both Justice Thomas and Judge Kavenaugh as sexual predators without presenting any shred of evidence other than her overall grievance about men in general. Neither she, nor you, I venture to guess knows Judge Kavenaugh or Professor Ford, nor were either of you in that unknown room in that unknown house 36 years ago when something may or may not have happened, so for her to defame someone, who by all accounts is a good and faithful husband and father and who is a fellow Christian, as likely guilty of being a sexual predator is grossly irresponsible at best and a politically motivated hack job at worst. In my mind, it's unChristian. I work in the system which assists victims of assault in obtaining temporary protective orders, and I can assure you that some women do lie for a variety of complicated reasons. We need to pray for and offer assistance to true victims but also never lose sight of the fact that travesties of injustice occur. Remember the Duke Lacrosse team? At least that prosecutor got disbarred. What recourse does a public figure like Justice Thomas or Judge Kavenaugh have against people like Rev Thomas who in their seething sense of grievance label them as sexual predators without there being any conviction in a court of law presumption of innocence be damned? So yes, I have no choice but to assume her screed was politically motivated in support of the party of Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Al Frankin and Keith Ellison. I'm sorry if I disgust you because she's your friend, but I guess that answers my question about why her political columns get reprinted on a website which advertisizes itself as being about the Methodist Church.

John more than 5 years ago

Missing the Point

I don't ordinarily respond to comments, but in this case I'm going to make an exception. Once again, I believe you have missed the point. It is your blind refusal to grant victimized women the respect their allegations deserve that angers and disgusts me, not you yourself. However, I am scandalized further by your admission that you work in the system that helps women get restraining orders, and yet you focus on the few who lie rather than the many who are victimized. I find that your response is a prime example of my conclusion: "Women and men who work for these virtues will face intense, frightening derision and resistance. We need only look at what's happening now to understand how threatening such advocacy will be to the current power structures that disbelieve women in order to continue subjugating them." Concern for both the abused and the abuser IS part of The United Methodist Church, ref. Book of Discipline Paragraph 161, subparagraphs H, I and J on domestic violence, sexual abuse and sexual harassment. Thank you for writing.

cynthiaadmin (United Methodist Insight) more than 5 years ago

I think you miss the point

We could hash this out forever, but this will be my last comment on this post. I think it is you, Ms. Astle, that has missed the point. I do grant victims of sexual abuse respect and work to help right their wrongs. If either you or Rev. Thomas have been victimized in the past, I am sincerely sorry for your pain and your having had to undergo such a demeaning experience. That still does not give you or any other female victim the right to defame someone on-line without knowing the facts about an alleged incident or to label persons sexual predators simply because an accusation has been made. I don't dwell on those women who do not tell the truth or the whole story but I'm not blind to the fact that it happens more frequently than those who don't work in the area care to believe, but that is why we have the presumption of innocence in this nation. I challenge you to re-read Rev. Thomas' article and point out where she exhibited any modicum of respect or concern for Judge Kavanaugh in her words or tone. If you will take the time to read the link I suggested, you will see how some tactics being employed by some women who may or may not have been victimized is hurting the cause of bringing real sexual predators to justice. Enough said. God Bless.

John more than 5 years ago

Still disrespectful

John, you try and sound respectful but you most certainly are not. You state, "if you have been victimized in the past." She was victimized - she said so! Let's quit disbelieving our sisters, going to any extent to defend the men, and work for justice and healing. Your comments fall far short of justice and healing I am afraid.

Bill more than 5 years ago