“Is good enough really good enough?” I first came across the phrase ”a good enough family” in a course on family systems during my doctoral studies nearly 30 years ago. Today, those words still hauntingly rattle around in my head.
Can we ever really be “good enough” at anything in these latter days of the 2020s? Sound bites and 30-second clips across all manner of social media would have us wrongly believe that there are perfect marriages, perfect families, perfect children, perfect jobs, perfect health, perfect people… even perfect churches, and, by extension, perfect pastors.
As much as I hate to admit it, I bought into the spiraling deadly “pursuit of perfection” quite often throughout my 30-year career as a pastor.
I tried to be “all things to all people,” all too often. I felt compelled to visit every sick person in hospitals up to an hour and a half drive away; visit every shut-in as often as possible; hang out with the youth group; conduct every funeral; be actively engaged in various community activities; prepare for and teach weekly Bible studies; plan and lead wonderfully creative worship services that appealed to the tastes of the traditional, contemporary, and liturgical styles of every age group.
And, of course, there was the added pressure to preach incredibly interesting, entertaining, and theologically rich sermons that out-performed the other pastors down the road, thus attracting more of those mythical white, middle-class families that, for the most part, don’t actually exist in struggling “small town America.” Why? Because they moved to the urban places in search of jobs unless they have chosen to stay and run the family business—in which case they already have a “family church.
Not to mention that these pastoral tasks must be navigated with all the savvy and southern charm of a “perfect party host” in a volatile, politically divisive climate.
Then it was “rinse and repeat” all over again for the next week! The modern pastoral calling felt to me like trying to empty the Atlantic Ocean with a bucket full of holes! Ridiculously impossible!
Parkinson’s Disease becomes my companion
For over 30 years, I have also attempted to be the perfect husband and father. And I have fallen miserably short on all accounts. To top it off, I discovered at the age of 54 that I had “early onset” Parkinson’s Disease. I also soon discovered that perfectionism and Parkinson’s cannot mutually coexist!
(See my book, “Choosing Gratitude… Despite the Odds,” marketsquarebooks.com, 2026)Oh, and then there is this nugget from Jesus at the end of The Sermon on the Mount where he instructs us to: “Be perfect,” as our Heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48, NIV).
I have a feeling that the dark cloud of “perfectionism” hangs over our personal lives, families, communities, and churches in ways we are unaware. It wears us down with an inferiority complex of shame and guilt. It pounds us daily with destructive thoughts that we can never measure up, never do enough, never be good enough. Yet there are no perfect partners, parents, children, families, communities, churches, or pastors. If there were any perfect people, then we would not need the grace of God.
But can we be trusted to simply be “good enough” while, at the same time, striving to “be perfect?”
The Greek word in the Bible commonly translated as “perfect” is teleios (τέλειος), meaning wholeness, completeness, maturity, and fulfilling a purpose.
It involves striving to grow into God’s character as we learn what it means to have a poverty of spirit with an utter dependence on our Creator; to mourn with those who are hurting and suffering; to have a disposition of meekness and humility; to have a passion for righteousness and justice; to show mercy to all people; to live with an undivided devotion to God Almighty; to actively work for peace; to be willing to suffer for what is right. It is a process of seeing the Beatitudes come to life!
I call this balancing act of living a “good enough life” while working for the coming of the kingdom of heaven on earth as “a holy discontent…” which I will elaborate on in future columns.
For now, maybe we all need to take a deep breath, have a little more grace for ourselves—and for each other—as we seek the kingdom of God above all else. A large part of this transformative process in us and in the world around us involves learning to practice authentic kindness and intentional gratitude.
I hope you will join me in future columns as I riff on this imperfect journey of following Jesus with a “holy discontent” as “good enough” disciples.
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Dennis Atwood served as a campus minister, adjunct religion, professor, and senior pastor for 30 years before he retired due to “early-onset” Parkinson’s Disease.
He has written about his story in Choosing Gratitude. His passion today is challenging people to do the necessary work of sifting through the modern cultural, political, and religious landscapes and discover the welcoming inclusive Jesus of the gospels.