High-five connection
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In the past couple of weeks, we’ve looked at the emotions that surround appointment season in the United Methodist Church, both your possible struggles with finding closure at the church you are leaving and the emotional upset your family may be experiencing due to the move. We’ve talked about how to navigate both issues with the best possible outcomes. To wrap up this blog series I’d like to take a look at four strategies for building new relationships, especially for church leaders in transition.
Let’s face it, a successful ministry hinges on connection. But transitions can be tough. Front and center for many of us is the question: how do I build strong relationships with this new church family? New faces, new routines, and the pressure to build strong connections quickly – it’s enough to make even the most outgoing pastor sweat a little.
And that’s where the misconception that you can just saunter right into your new appointment and the congregation will welcome you with open arms, comes in.
Building New Relationships Takes Time
Building strong, solid relationships takes time, but the rewards far outweigh the effort. Keep in mind that your new congregation may have had a deep connection with their previous clergy. They might be sad and frustrated that a leader they loved is gone.
Or, as sometimes happens, they may have had a negative experience. Maybe they just never clicked with the pastor who’s left. They might be wary of a new leader, hesitant in their acceptance of you, wanting to test the waters before really welcoming you in
But there are strategies you can use to help make the transition easier on you, your family, and your new congregation and church home.
1) Be a Listening Ear (and Remember Those Names!)
People want to be heard, not lectured at. So, when you meet those smiling faces at your first potluck, resist the urge to launch into a five-year vision plan. Instead, ask questions! What are the joys and challenges of this church community? What are their hopes for the future?
Schedule one-on-one meetings with key church members – council leaders, committee chairs, even folks you meet at coffee hour. Grab a plate of donuts at the next church breakfast, find a comfy corner, and become an active listener. You’ll learn a ton, and folks will appreciate your genuine interest.
Keep in mind that the most active members of the church aren’t always the most vocal. They may not be interested in being on council or sitting through hours-long meetings. But that doesn’t mean they’re just warming the pews – they may actually be the people who do the work and make things happen. So, keep an eye and ear open for those key leaders, too!
2) Find Common Ground
Look for shared passions! Do you have a love for gardening? See if there’s a community garden or a church garden project you can join.
Are you a music buff? Connect with the choir director! He or she may be looking to shake it up a bit; listen, listen, listen for hints of ways to grow and renew your congregation!
Finding common ground is a fantastic way to build rapport and create a sense of community. Take some time to discover the unique strengths and passions of your new church. What ministries are thriving? What are some hidden talents lurking amongst the congregation? Building on existing strengths is a great way to show you value their traditions while also subtly weaving in your own ideas.
3) Lead by Serving
Actions speak louder than words. Offer to help with a church cleanup day, volunteer at a local soup kitchen alongside church members, or simply lend a hand with setting up for events. Showing you’re willing to roll up your sleeves speaks volumes about your commitment and leadership style.
And, don’t forget to include your family in your actions! They are a vital part of your new church community, too.
4) Celebrate the Wins (Big and Small!)
A little recognition goes a long way. Acknowledge milestones, birthdays, achievements, and even small victories. A handwritten note or a public shout-out can make a big difference in creating a positive and supportive church environment. Did your youth group finally reach their fundraising goal? Did you have a record turnout for a Wednesday night service?
Taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate successes, no matter how seemingly insignificant, will go a long way toward fostering positive feelings between you and your new people.
Remember, building relationships takes time and intentionality. Be patient, be present, and most importantly, be yourself. With a little effort, you’ll be well on your way to growing a vibrant and thriving church community in your new appointment.
As a clergy member, building relationships also takes Conscious Leadership. Mastering your mindset in relationship to others, tapping into your spiritual intelligence, and employing the courage of imagination to envision and bring new realities to life. If you would like to learn how to build the capacity to engage in life fully, my program Conscious Leadership might be for you. Contact me for a personalized one-on-one Discovery Session to find out more.
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