First UMC Dallas Blesses All Marriages in Covenant Service

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The winter night was chilly outside Dallas' First United Methodist Church, but the atmosphere inside the sanctuary was warmly joyous as some 275 people gathered on Dec. 29 for a celebration of marriage covenant open to all couples.

The event took place three days before the Jan. 1 implementation of new, more restrictive bans on LGBTQ+ clergy and same-sex marriages being performed by United Methodist clergy or in United Methodist congregations. The service also was seen as an early example of the Resist Harm movement that has organized to defy the new rules in ways appropriate to their respective ministry contexts.

At First UMC-Dallas, the 90-minute service marked a milestone that was months in the making at the historic and influential downtown congregation, whose membership numbers in the thousands. In a letter announcing the service, First-Dallas senior pastor the Rev. Andy Stoker noted that both members and clergy had struggled for months with the implications of the 2019 General Conference’s tightening restrictions on LGBTQ+ acceptance. Dr. Stoker and associate pastor the Rev. Ann Willetts both said they understood that First UMC’s members differed in their opinions about LGBTQ+ acceptance.

Nonetheless, Dr. Stoker emphasized the Dec. 29 service was as much a pastoral event as a social justice gathering. In an article by Sharon Grigsby of the Dallas Morning News, Dr. Stoker said, “Every social concern has a spiritual component and that is a voice in our society that I don’t feel is being raised often enough."

The spiritual component permeated the Dec. 29 liturgy, which began with the United Methodist renewal of baptismal vows. The congregation responded vigorously to the traditional baptismal questions posed by Dr. Stoker. Renewing marriage covenant vows came after Dr. Stoker’s homily, in which he likened the evening’s service to Jesus’ parable of the mustard seed that grows into a large shrub.

He noted the “bumper crop” of weddings held at First-Dallas during the holidays. Immediately after the covenant service, Dr. Stoker said, he would go downstairs to the chapel to conduct a wedding for a Christian woman and a Jewish man. Earlier in December, he added, he conducted the wedding of a woman of Irish-Swedish heritage and an American man from an Ethiopian family and a divorced couple who wanted to renew their vows.

All of those couples would have been ostracized or even barred from marriage in the past, Dr. Stoker said. He said he hoped that one day the marriages of gay and lesbian couples would be performed by United Methodist clergy in United Methodist congregations.

Dr. Stoker then invited the couples present to face one another and repeat the traditional marriage vows printed on the cards used for the worship bulletin. Vows were said quietly, but the emotions of the moment were visible in hugs, kisses, and tears wiped away.

The theme of inclusion continued through the cake-and-punch reception following the service, and several of the “toasts” resembled arrows aimed at United Methodist leaders.

The Rev. Jonathan Grace, pastor of Grace UMC in east Dallas, challenged his sibling clergy: “For my UMC clergy, Jesus didn’t say take up your guaranteed appointment and follow me. Jesus didn’t say take up your pension and follow me. He said take up your cross and follow me. In a world that makes it easy to hate, we’re supposed to be the witnesses to love. It’s our sacred duty as the church to stand up and say we’re created to love one another.”

The Rev. Eric Folkerth, pastor of Kessler Park UMC in Dallas’ Oak Cliff neighborhood, said he resisted calling the renewal service “remarkable.” “We will not have made progress until we stop calling events like this ‘remarkable’ and start calling it the new Methodist normal,” he said.

Northaven United Methodist Church member Julie Reeves, representing her vacationing pastor the Rev. Marti Soper, said she attended the service with her wife of 22 years. She took note of what lies ahead this year for the denomination.

“We face a challenging year, and we must stand arm in arm, shoulder to shoulder in the battle we have ahead of us,” Ms. Reeves said. “We must remain committed to inclusion, and that includes race, economic circumstance and being like me – a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Even in these darkest of days, remember: some of us will remain by God’s grace, draw the circle wide, and ensure that all are welcome in this place.”

Two more Northaven UMC members, Tim Wallace and Bob Roton, said they hoped the First UMC-Dallas would be a vision of things to come for The United Methodist Church.

“It was important for us [to be in church] to acknowledge our love for each other,” Mr. Roton said. “[When we married] we had a private ceremony in our home, so it was good to be part of this expression of equality. I’d like for the whole church to be changed, that everyone has the right to be with the person they love.”

Mr. Wallace agreed: “Our renewal of our vows is to put it out there that this is what we want. We’re pretty active members at Northaven and I would like the whole denomination to recognize that we have a lot to offer, so why shut us out?”

Correction: A previous version of this article misspelled Mr. Roton's last name. We apologize for the error.

Cynthia B. Astle serves as Editor of United Methodist Insight, which she founded in 2011.