When The Holidays Bring Out the Worst in You

by

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, peace, and family.

But what about when the holidays bring out the worst in you?

When you get frustrated, stressed, anxious? Even angry.

Then what?

It’s important to find new ways to manage your emotions more effectively.

And to help your people do the same.

In this blog, I’ll explore why the holidays can be so stressful and give you tips for managing the stress, all so that you can reclaim the spirit of the season.

Stress, Trauma & The Season

We all have experiences of the past that impact our lives in the present.

Loss, unresolved grief, broken relationships, financial strain, and loneliness can bring on overwhelm.

These feelings are heightened during the holiday season.

The thought of buying gifts when the budget is tight or loved ones are missing from the dinner table can create extra stress.

Being a church leader adds a whole new dimension to the equation.

There are two seasons of exceptional busyness for church leaders: Easter and Christmas /Advent.

In my conversation with pastors, it seems that the Christmas season is more conflictual in the local church.

Why?

Expectations go up dramatically starting at Thanksgiving and continue all the way through New Year’s.

Several special services, holiday get-togethers, family traditions, and more get added to the calendar in just a few short weeks.

Not only that, but the holidays can bring out unresolved issues from past relationships with family members.

Even if a relationship is generally healthy and robust, the holiday season can bring to light existing tensions and memories of past conflicts.

These familial traumas may be challenging to recognize, as they are often deeply woven throughout family history.

Here’s the point. Whatever the source of your stress, it is essential to be gentle with yourself.

Identify Your Triggers 

The first step in managing holiday stress is to identify your triggers. Notice what situations cause you to become overwhelmed or anxious.

Once you have identified your triggers, you can develop strategies for dealing with them effectively. For example, if large gatherings stress you out, find a smaller group to chat with.

You can also try scheduling smaller events, such as one-on-one conversations or group activities that involve fewer people.

If too much shopping brings out the worst in you, make a list, create a budget and stick to it.

Knowing what sets off your stress can help you anticipate potential issues and develop coping mechanisms before they arise.

Make Time for Self-Care 

It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays without leaving any time for yourself.

Taking care of yourself is essential to managing holiday stress.

Carve out some “me” time each day, whether it’s enjoying a relaxing bath, reading a book before bedtime, or taking a long walk with the dog.

Self-care is different for each of us, but one thing is true for all of us – if you are not making time for yourself during the season, you won’t be able to create space for others.

Nor will you experience the joy of the season.

Reach Out When You Need Help 

Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need help dealing with holiday stress.

Talking about your feelings openly can be difficult and provide a sense of relief and insight into potential solutions.

If this isn’t an option right now, consider writing down how you feel. Expressing yourself in writing can be just as therapeutic as talking one-on-one with another person.

Practical Wisdom

It is easy to get caught up in the high-tension moments.

Don’t say things that you won’t be able to take back after the holidays.

If you find yourself in conflict, objectively assess the situation by asking yourself what is at stake here. Try to diffuse the tension with understanding and grace.

It may help to remember the adage from Alcoholics Anonymous, “Think. Think. Think.” Before you act. Or even this one: “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

It is possible to mend the most broken of relationships during the holiday season, but it is also possible to break them in ways that will take years to heal. ​

Reclaim The Heart of The Holiday

Remember that the holidays are about spending quality time with family and friends, celebrating cherished traditions, giving back to those in need, and celebrating the idea that God became one of us.

Don’t forget to make time for the things that bring you joy and peace.

Go to worship, get lost in God’s love, and spread love and happiness to others.

Make time for gratitude, even in the hardest of moments. Celebrate what makes you and your family unique and special.

Holiday stress is unavoidable, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

By recognizing your triggers, making time for self-care, and reaching out when you need help, you can manage your stress levels and enjoy the holidays.

As long as you remain mindful of the practical wisdom available during this particular season, you will make the most of the holidays and usher in a new year with a peaceful heart.

To learn more about navigating conflictual situations during the holidays, check out my upcoming workshop, 3 Steps to Engage Conflict Productively. It will be a great way to start the new year.

Happy Holidays!

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com. All Rights Reserved.