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Special to United Methodist Insight | April 22, 2026
You may have the authority to order other people around. That doesn’t mean they will like it or that they will give their best effort. If the great resignation has taught us anything it’s that people want to be respected as persons and valued for the contribution they make.
Here are five things that non-anxious do leaders to cultivate mutual respect.
Give respect
We can’t expect others to respect us if we don’t respect them. Waiting for other people to respect us first will only result in the opposite. A self-differentiated leader knows that respecting others creates healthy emotional space.
A hallmark of this is saying what you believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. This shows that you respect who they are, as well as what they think and believe, even if you disagree. That also means you give other people the benefit of the doubt because you respect them as persons, assuming that their intentions are good.
Jesus modeled accepting others without judgment. Doing this enables you to respect others even before they have earned it. When they do things that don’t seem worthy of respect, remember that this most often comes from their own pain and brokenness.
Be trustworthy
Do what you say you are going to do. Under-promise and over-deliver. This is not rocket science it’s basic human decency. If you are a person of your word people respect that.
Be transparent
Nothing creates suspicion more than secrecy. On the other hand, when you explain to others what you are doing and why, you minimize that possibility. They may not like what you’re doing, but if you are clear about it, they are more likely to respect you.
Take responsibility for self
When you break your word, fall short on a commitment or make a mistake, own up to it. Apologize. Make it right. People may not like what you did but they will respect the fact that you take responsibility for it. Doing so as a non-anxious presence will make the best out of a bad situation.
Listen
Nothing communicates respect and a non-anxious presence more than honest listening. Being truly curious about what’s going on with the other person shows that you respect who they are and that your connection with them matters to you. That doesn’t mean you have to agree it just means that you are willing to listen.
Rancor and disrespect may be a part of our public discourse and social media, but you don’t have to go along. Non-anxious leaders are counter cultural. When you foster respect in the system you lead, you help everybody be and do their best.
Jack Shitama
The Rev. Jack Shitama is an ordained minister in The United Methodist Church and currently serves as the Director of the Center for Vital Leadership for UMC churches in the District of Columbia, Maryland and Delaware.