Be Yourself
Photo: yuriz
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God—not the result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we may walk in them. – Ephesians 2:8-10 (NRSV)
Christian sanctification is the process by which God’s grace works through believers to make them into the image of Jesus. This is not their own doing. It is the work of God enabling Jesus followers to love themselves and love others unconditionally. The most important role of the believer is to let go of their own wants and desires and let the mind and likeness of Christ take over.
A non-anxious presence is somebody who knows what they believe and is able to express that in healthy ways, while remaining emotionally connected to others. This emotional connection is especially important in relation to those who are anxious, disagreeable and critical.
A non-anxious presence might still feel anxious inside. But they are able to regulate their own anxiety and pause long enough to let the grace of God take over so that their own anxiety doesn’t make a bad situation worse.
To me, Jesus is the epitome of a non-anxious presence. He knew what he believed and was not afraid to share it regardless of the criticism that might result. His focus was on defining himself, especially in relation to God.
Jesus rarely told others what they had to do. Instead he showed them the way and invited them to follow. When Jesus did call out the religious leaders of the day, he did so with metaphor, parable and asking pointed questions.
I believe the key to effective leadership today, especially in the church, is the ability to be a non-anxious presence. Some of this comes from doing the hard work of understanding one’s family of origin and how patterns of anxiety were formed.
More importantly, it is only through God‘s grace that we can get there. This is especially true in anxious moments. When we are able to pause before reacting automatically, we create space for God‘s grace to move in. This enables us to regulate our anxiety and do things differently than we would on our own.
As Ephesians tells us, this is not our own work but the work of God in us and through us (and sometimes in spite of us). Grace is a gift from God, not for our own sake but so that we can become the people God intends us to be.
If you want to be a non-anxious leader, do your own work. Explore your family of origin so you can unpack what’s behind your responses to anxious situations. But don’t do it all by yourself. Let the grace of God do the real work. You’ll know grace is at work when you are able to see what makes you tick without blaming yourself or others.
As Søren Kierkegaard wrote, “Now, with God's help, I shall become myself.”
So, with the grace of God, go be yourself.
Recommendations
This week's recommendations will get you to look inward so you can ask God to help you grow in grace and impact.
Clues that you might not be trying hard enough by Seth Godin. This blog post is all of four short lines. They're a reminder that anything worth doing is challenging. And, if you read the above musing, you know that God's grace will carry you through. The paradox here is that it's not really about trying harder, it's about learning to embrace discomfort, then letting go and letting God.
5 myths about resilience you need to stop believing so you can cultivate true grit by Next Big Idea Club. Speaking of being yourself, though this article doesn't use family systems terms, it stresses the importance of knowing your inner self (self-awareness), responding, not reacting (self-regulation) and finding purpose and connection (self-definition and emotional connection). Good stuff.
Podcast
Episode 194 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast, Self-Differentiation Requires Emotional Courage, is now available.
That's it for this week. Thanks for reading.