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Making a difference
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March 4, 2025
The recent blow up in the Oval Office between Donald Trump and Volodymyr Zelensky got me thinking.
Effective leaders say what they believe, while giving others the freedom to disagree.
This is needed now, more than ever.
This is certainly true in political discourse. What was once a civil activity intended to work toward the common good has become a win at all costs proposition. If you don’t agree with me, there is something morally and intellectually wrong with you (just kidding).
The church is not immune from this. Virtually every mainline denomination has split over LGBTQ+ inclusion. These schisms have been painful and confusing. The wounds take a long time to heal.
Yet I think this presents an opportunity to try to do things differently. Convincing others to agree with us doesn’t work. Political maneuvering may work in the short term, but it will ultimately result in a greater backlash.
We need non-anxious leaders who are willing to say what they believe, while giving others the freedom to disagree.
This won’t resolve our differences. But it will create healthy emotional space. When that happens, it creates the possibility to think differently and pursue creative options. It’s not a way out, it’s a way through.
Family systems theory reminds us that the most important thing we can do as leaders is to manage our own anxiety; to regulate our own responses so that we don’t blame or define others.
What would happen if a critical mass of leaders could act as a non-anxious presence?
When The United Methodist Church was in the midst of its split, I met with a friend and colleague who was involved with an advocacy group that was on the opposite side regarding LBTGQ inclusion. We agreed to stop debating and decided to try to find a way through. We didn’t stop the split, but we did find a way to maintain a healthy relationship, even as others got resentful and emotionally distant.
We didn’t solve anything, but it felt like a win in the midst of a big loss.
How can we rediscover a desire for people to work toward a common good? I’m not sure. I do know it won’t happen unless enough of us figure out how to remain a non-anxious presence with those that disagree with us. I pray we can do this.