Clasping hands
Linda entered Bethany, the memory care facility, in November 2014. It was a painful decision for us. The subsequent eighteen months were the most excruciating I have experienced as she declined cognitively and physically.
By April 2016, she had lost 20 pounds and was becoming increasingly frail. After extensive medical evaluation, Linda was approved for hospice care.
She remained in Bethany for another six months. Confusion, fear, disorientation increased. She was gradually forgetting how to eat and walk. Her weight loss continued.
She was unable to perform minimal personal care, which made her ineligible for “assisted living.” She had to either be transferred to skilled nursing or taken home with full-time care.
I wanted her home! I asked the nurse practitioner for a prognosis of time remaining. Understandably, she was reluctant to project a time. But she said, “Perhaps six months to a year.”
It is now October 2018, thirty months since Linda was admitted to hospice care. Although she can no longer walk and is confined to the bed and dependent for her personal care, she is more peaceful and less fearful.
“I would never have thought that she would still be with us!” The nurse practitioner said with amazement during a recent visit.
As I stroked Linda’s hair and caressed her forehead, a pleasant smile and twinkle in the eyes appeared.
The usually stoic nurse said with evident emotion, “She’s been loved to life!”
Tearfully I responded. “We are determined to provide three things for her–physical and emotional safety, appropriate comfort, and the assurance that she is loved just as she is.”
“It’s obvious that she has all three. I just wish everybody could have what Linda has,” remarked the experienced and compassionate nurse.
I feel enormously blessed that Linda and I are both surrounded by love, and it is love that gives us life.
We are blessed with two daughters who love their mother with the unselfish love they received from her; and their families, including our grandchildren, share that love.
We have the help of caregivers to whom caring for Linda is a sacred vocation.
A couple from church bring a meal each Thursday, simply because they care.
A neighbor couple drop in almost every day to lend support.
I, too, wish everyone could have what we experience! Is that not what God desires for the human family–safety from unnecessary danger, comfort amid loss, and unconditional love and care?
We all need to be “loved to life!” Isn’t that why the church exists?
Bishop Kenneth L. Carder
Bishop Kenneth L. Carder
Retired United Methodist Bishop Kenneth L. Carder's most recent professional post was as Ruth W. and A. Morris Williams Distinguished Professor Emeritus at Duke Divinity School. He lives in Chapin, S.C., and serves as chaplain to the dementia and Alzheimer's care unit where his wife, Linda, resided.