3 Reasons Churches Need the Platinum Rule

October 18, 2022

12:59 PM

Finger pointing

The Platinum Rule says to treat others as they want to be treated. (Bigstock Photo)

Change is the name of the game in church these days. Even so, one thing remains the same: the importance of building positive relationships with people. Whatever else may change, people are your most valuable resource. And, at times, your most challenging one, too. For the busy leader, managing a wide variety of relationships can be very trying. Especially during times of rapid change. That’s why I want to share with you the three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule.

The Golden Rule vs the Platinum Rule

First, let’s get clear on what the Platinum Rule is, and how it differs from the Golden Rule.

The Platinum Rule is like the Golden Rule in that it points to best practices in human relationships. But “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” doesn’t always go far enough. This is especially true in this age of offendability, polarization, and quick contempt for people who are different. When Jesus and other teachers of his time taught the Golden Rule, it was revolutionary because it emphasized similarity among people.

But these days, our focus has tended toward our differences, rather than our similarities. As life continues to evolve, developing empathy for those who are different is a key quality to add to our understanding of loving relationships.

So the Platinum Rule, “Treat people the way they want to be treated,” is an important principle for these days. It takes the focus off of your particular preferences (the way you want to be treated) and puts the spotlight on the preferences of your neighbor (the way they want to be treated.) The Platinum Rule also reflects a growing awareness of the need for emotional intelligence.

When churches embrace this wisdom, they have an incredible opportunity to create a safe and loving place for community to flourish, differences and all. Without further ado, let me share with you the top three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule.

Three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule

The Platinum Rule allows you to honor the dignity and personhood of those who are different than you.

If there is one distinguishing characteristic of the world right now, it’s that there is so much diversity. This ranges from what people prefer to be called, to how people identify themselves, to what people believe, to country of origin, to ethnic and cultural differences. You may not always agree with others, or even understand them, but by treating people the way they want to be treated, you offer them the highest form of respect and love.

Let’s say you’re not sure whether to refer to someone as Latino, Hispanic or Latinx. (Latinx is a gender-neutral term.) What do you say when you’re just not sure? The Platinum Rule gives you permission to ask, without shame or fear. And it gives permission to the other to share their answer with you, again without shame or fear.

In this case, using the Platinum Rule is a powerful way of honoring and respecting the dignity of individual people, and of uplifting the person that God has created each of them to be.

The Platinum Rule is a way to love your neighbor as yourself.

This comes from letting go of ego and the need to be “right.” Now, I know that this isn’t easy because inherently, almost everyone likes to be right. But, by needing to be right, you automatically make someone else “wrong.” This wears on a relationship.

When you give up the need to be “right,” you also release your neighbor from having to be “wrong.” As you refrain from judgement, you also gain the capacity to be comfortable with nearly everybody, even as others can be comfortable with you.

The Platinum Rule gets you off the seesaw of judgementalism, and places you on an even playing field with other human beings. Not only does this make more love available, it is countercultural in a world that can’t wait to choose up sides.

The Platinum Rule allows you to bridge differences.

The Platinum Rule allows you to give people the benefit of the doubt, and to ascribe good motives to others. It allows you to understand the situation from another’s point of view. This doesn’t mean dropping your own values or compromising your own perspective. Instead, it means simply expanding your capacity to acknowledge different perspectives and values. Lastly, the Platinum Rule allows you to embrace differences, instead of trying to eliminate them. If we are all made in the image and likeness of God, then each individual has something to offer. Some of your strengths will be others’ weaknesses, and likewise, some of your weaknesses will be their strengths. Capitalize on that.

Platinum Rule Bonus

As you practice the Platinum Rule, you will find yourself becoming more self-regulated. If you’re more prone to accepting others, to seeing things from their perspective, and to looking for ways to bridge differences, likely you are coming from a calmer space. This kind of calm gives others permission to do the same. Calm thinking and deep faith allow you to tap into creativity and collaboration instead of polarization and contempt.

Next Steps

As you prepare to lead your church into a new season, remember to apply the Platinum Rule in your interactions. If you still aren’t quite sure how, or want to delve into this more deeply, join me for my upcoming workshop, Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times. Beginning November 3, this three-session, online workshop will help you better understand those who are different from you and expand your emotional intelligence to make the most out of every relationship.