A Face in Disguise

by

Special to United Methodist Insight

Even a few months before my 91-yr-old father died, he told me that as he looked in the morning mirror, he couldn’t believe the old man’s face who stared back was his. At 82, I also find myself not always believing the mirrored face that used to be my younger self. My disbelief is because both my younger and older selves are me!

After a nearly 30-year career as a parish pastor, I transitioned into geriatric social work. After I “retired” from nursing home service, I re-focused. I began my own consulting ministry centered on aging. My business mantra became “Gray hair and wrinkles aren’t a fashion statement. They’re a values statement.” It was true in 2005. And it’s still true today

That truth-piece later led to another bit of aging insight. I enjoy learning the origins of words that are fun to say. “Geezer” is one of those words. It’s much more than the stereotypical grumpy old man. It comes from guiser, a late 15th c. Cockney word that means “disguise.” 

When I saw that, I immediately realized that a geezer can be someone who has a hopeful, even adventurous, attitude toward life, and simply lives in the disguise of gray hair and wrinkles. I’ve been spreading that message for at least 15 years. And people’s faces usually break into grins!

Our Mexican daughter-in-law’s ancestors are from the Mexican state of Michoacan. Before Columbus came to the Americas in 1492, a refreshingly satirical dance tradition began in Patzcuaro, Michoacan. It’s called “La Danza de los viejitos” – “Dance of the Old Men.”

The dancers are disguised in “old men” costumes, including masks. As the music speeds up, the dancers go from aging movements to energetic dance steps. As the dance ends, the masks come off to reveal that many of the dancers are children.

I’ve watch You Tube videos of this ancient dance that still gleefully celebrates aging in many places. Then I wonder how often my father understood that the younger/older men in the mirror still lived with each other. I’m reminded of the same reality for myself also.

Since 2012, I’ve hosted a Geezer Forum in my hometown. We gather at least monthly to explore different aspects of aging, and to learn about different community resources available for older adults in north Idaho.

Many of the participants buy into my advocacy to consider ourselves “Geezers-in-Training.” Regardless of what our faces may reveal about our ages, we have the choice to keep learning what is out there for us as vulnerable, older adults. We’re also teach each other how to talk with our children and grandchildren about our own aging issues.

If you are “advanced in age,” or know someone who is, perhaps you might reflect on Psalm 71. Written by an elder, it reminds us – in verses 9 and 18 particularly – how the psalmist depends on his intimate relationship with God to sustain him as he lives out his life. I like to think the Psalmist was a Geezer-in-Training.

We often joke about our gray hair and wrinkles. Thankfully, the humor usually has a positive spin to it.

I like to think our faces even prompt what – for years – I’ve called “go-away-closer” humor. The kind of laughter and attitude that can push our fears away to arm's-length, but also absorbs those fears into our facial wrinkles and gray hair so we’re not afraid.  We’re usually not diminished, but nourished, by our masked, our disguised faces. And while we stand in front of that mirror, we can even laugh at what we see!

What’s your mirror time like?

The Rev. Paul R. Graves is a retired and "re-focused" United Methodist pastor and a longtime resident of Sandpoint, Idaho, where he formerly served on city council and as mayor. His second career is in geriatric social work, and since 2005 he’s been the Lead Geezer-in-Training of Elder Advocates, a consulting and teaching ministry on aging issues. Since 1992, Graves has been a volunteer chaplain for Bonner Community Hospice.