Authors' Note: Pseudonyms have been assigned to all interview participants and other uniquely identifying information has been changed or obscured. This research was approved by the Human Subjects Institutional Review Board at Georgia Southern University, research protocol #H22207.
Nancy Malcom: For the past year, we have been interviewing LGBTQ-affirming United Methodists about their experiences in The United Methodist Church, their decision-making related to church membership, and their thoughts about the past, present, and future of the denomination.
As an active member of a United Methodist congregation, I have a personal stake in this matter, but as a sociologist and gender scholar, I also have a professional interest the ways that our personal lives intertwine with religious institutions. The seed for this project was planted not so much by the controversy resulting from the 2019 UMC General Conference, but instead by a sociology conference session that I attended that same year.
At that session, a panel of researchers shared their findings on the experiences of LGBTQ+ individuals in religious settings. Paper after paper focused on negative outcomes for LGBTQ+ Christians. Evidence clearly demonstrated that higher rates of church involvement among the LGBTQ+ community were correlated with
- lowered self-esteem,
- feelings of alienation,
- higher rates of alcoholism and drug use,
- increased self-harm and
- suicidality.
During the Q&A session, a member of the audience asked a simple question: “Why do they stay?” Experts on the panel could not provide an answer – while their research was focused on outcomes of participation, they had not been asking why LGBTQ+ Christians chose to stay.
A. J. Ramirez: The current situation in the UMC offers a prime opportunity to investigate why queer-affirming United Methodists have chosen to stay or to leave a denomination that has resisted the full inclusion of LGBTQ+ laity and clergy in the life of the church. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community and The United Methodist Church, this research was personal and meaningful to me. For the past 25 years I have been involved and active in the UMC. Twelve of those years I was in the closet about my sexual identity. I had never read or found any research that discussed the positive relationship between LGBTQ+ Christians and church membership and inclusivity.
As a professional in academia, I was eager to listen and discover how others have navigated their experiences within the church. While our research included both straight and queer voices, I have been personally inspired by those in the LGBTQ+ community who continue to work for reconciliation with both their church and sexual identity.
Some of the people we spoke with, including Nan and Kai whose stories are shared below, have left the UMC.
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Queer Voices 2
“We each can only carry so much of a heavy heart.”
Nan is a 70-something-year-old lesbian who has had an on-again, off-again relationship with the church. Currently living in the Western Jurisdiction, Nan explains: “As an adolescent, I was growing increasingly unhappy with the church and at about the age of 15 I absolutely, positively refused to go anymore. And there is where it remained for the next 40 years. And then I returned to the church. One Sunday, we decided to go, and we were welcomed with open arms.”
By that time, Nan was married to a woman, and both she and her wife attended their local UMC congregation. Their decision to seek a church home wasn’t spontaneous. Nan states, “my partner was dying. I think she wanted me to have a place and people to make sure I got help, and they did an excellent job of that. Six months later, she was dead and I was enfolded by the congregation and it was lovely.
When we had my partner’s funeral at the church, the church was packed – standing room only – between all the people from the congregation, all the other people that we knew from the community, and it was lovely and really touched my heart.”
But the United Methodist Church’s recent controversy has soured Nan on religion. Referring to the 2019 General Conference vote in support of the Traditional Plan, “That really pissed me off, but I was gonna keep fighting. Probably. And then … it just all sort of collapsed for me. I still love the people in this church, and I know that they love me, but at this point in time … I am no longer financially contributing. The hierarchy doesn’t need feeding, and it’s not getting my money anymore.”
When asked about the future of the church, Nan says, “Personally, I think the whole thing needs to collapse. I don’t think this is what Jesus had in mind… I don’t know if it will collapse, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be a part of it.”
In recent years, Nan’s congregation has held conversations about the direction of the church, but Nan states, “I simply did not attend the discussion, because I didn’t want to know if I was going to continue to love people in my church. It was a whole lot easier if I didn’t know some things.”
Even though Nan herself had initially mentioned a desire to “keep fighting,” she eventually concluded that she needed to step away from the struggle.
“To me, it’s like banging your head against a wall," she said. "I wish them the best, but we each have limited energies, and where are we going to put those energies to work? We each can only carry so much of a heavy heart. If that’s something they can do, great for them, but for me, I have concluded, I cannot.”
“Do they really want me as a member?”
Kai, who identifies as nonbinary and homosexual, is a 23 year-old from the Southeastern Jurisdiction of The United Methodist Church. Kai grew up in the Southern Baptist Church, which they describe as “very challenging” – primarily because they were coming to terms with their own sexuality in a church setting which was openly homophobic.
Kai was introduced to the UMC as a young adult and says “I don’t know if I fell in love with the United Methodist Church, or if it was just the local church that I was at, but the first sermon that I heard was free of condemnation, and it was odd to me, but in a good way. It was different, and it made me start to re-evaluate my relationship with God. I’m grateful for my time in the Methodist Church, but kind of glad I left when I did.”
After moving to pursue a new job opportunity, Kai “found a home in the Episcopal Church. I found another place that I felt more at home.” (The Episcopal Church has formally adopted LGBTQ acceptance, although some parts of the denomination still resist the church's policy).
Even though Kai’s decision to join a different denomination had more to do with moving to a new job, Kai explains that they keep up with events in the UMC and are increasingly alarmed by the news coming from their former UMC congregation, which has recently taken a step toward disaffiliation. “If they believe queer people shouldn’t be ordained, then what do they think of the queer people who fill the pews?” For Kai, that UMC congregation “was the place that I could participate and not have that taken away from me,” and when disaffiliation talks began, Kai stated “that kind of hurt. I was just hoping, you know, I was like, please don’t … I started to question; do they really want me as a member? Should I just stay out of the fight?”
Part 2: Those Who Stay but Disconnect
Part 3: Those Who Continue to Struggle with Staying
Nancy Malcom
Nancy Malcom
Dr. Nancy Malcom (she/her) is a sociologist at Georgia Southern University whose research and teaching focuses on gender, childhood, and sports. Recent publications include “From William’s Doll to Jacob’s New Dress: The Depiction of Gender Non-Conforming Boys in Children’s Books from 1972 to 2014” (Journal of Homosexuality, 2018) and “Negotiating the Funhouse: CrossFit Women and the Looking Glass Athlete” (Women in Sport and Physical Activity Journal, 2021). She is a member of Pittman Park UMC in Statesboro, Ga.
AJ Ramirez
AJ Ramirez
Dr. A. J. Ramirez (she/her) teaches Sociology and Women’s & Gender Studies at Valdosta State University. Her academic interests include sexism, gender discrimination, racism, LGBTQ issues, and education reform by incorporating systemic approaches. She teaches Race, Class, & Gender, Introduction to Social Problems, Global Feminism, Queer Theory, Feminist Theory, and LGBT Studies. Dr. Ramirez also practices as a Professional Counselor in Valdosta, Georgia. She is a member of a new Reconciling church start in Valdosta sponsored by Centenary UMC in Macon, Ga.