Ash Wednesday prayer
Ash Wednesday moment of prayer. (Photo illustration by Kathleen Barry, United Methodist Communications.)
Special to United Methodist Insight | Feb. 26, 2025
Shirley sits bolt upright in her bed and cries out, "Enough, I can't bear it anymore!" The back of her nightgown is soaked with perspiration and she is trembling. It is the same nightmare, night after night. She sees herself going out the door of the discount store with toys and clothes for her children hidden carefully in the lining of her coat.
A large man wearing a blue blazer and a red tie approaches and politely asks her to show him a receipt for the merchandise under her coat. She begins to run. The man grabs her arm, pushes her up against a wall and handcuffs her to a shopping cart. She sees other customers staring at her as they go in and out of the store. She knows that they know what she has been doing. It is at this point that she always wakes up with a feeling of excruciating, unredeemable guilt.
Shirley can no longer live with the guilt. She gets up, changes into a dry nightgown, sits down at the desk, and writes:
"Dear Sir, I have been shoplifting merchandise from your store regularly for the past five years. I do not know the exact value of all the items I have stolen, but I am certain that the total exceeds $1,000. I am deeply sorry for what I have done, and I promise you I will never do it again. I am prepared to repay what I have taken with interest if you will allow me to make monthly payments over a period of two years."
Before there is time to change her mind Shirley signs the note and seals it in an envelope addressed to the manager of the store. Then she puts on a robe, walks to the post office, drops it in a mail slot, and goes home to wait.
On the morning of the third day after her late night posting the phone rings as she is stepping out of the shower. She wraps herself in a towel, drips down the hallway, and picks up the extension in the bedroom. It is the store manager. He tells her that they have received her note and are prepared to make a settlement. They want her to pay half of what she owes immediately, with a credit card or bank loan, and the rest in monthly payments over one year.
They also insist that she see a psychologist recommended by the store. If she agrees to their terms, they will refrain from pressing charges. Shirley readily agrees and they make arrangements for her to come in and sign the necessary papers.
That night at the Ash Wednesday service Shirley feels something being knit together deep in her soul as the pastor reads from the psalms: “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. (Ps. 51:2)
Shirley listens in a new way as the choir sings an arrangement of “Amazing Grace:”
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see.”
When the song is finished Shirley kneels at the communion rail with the rest of the congregation and receives the body and blood of Christ. Tears of joy run down her cheeks as she tastes the sweet bread and wine.
John Sumwalt is a retired pastor and the author of “Shining Moments: Visions of the Holy in Ordinary Lives.” This story can be found in his book, “Lectionary Stories.”