Matthew 18:15-17
Illustration Courtesy of Richard Bryant
Let me try my hand at paraphrasing Matthew 18:15-17:
If another member of the church sins against you… talk about them behind their back.
If another member of the church sins against you… call a bunch of people in the church to complain about them. You may even want to start a letter-writing campaign against them.
If another member of the church sins against you… send them a nasty email. Copy the pastor.
If another member of the church sins against you… don’t say anything. Just avoid them. Unfriend them on Facebook. And, if you can’t avoid them on Sundays, leave the church.
…No, don’t do that. These actions only lead to further division and hurt within our community.
Many parts of the Bible cause readers to respond, “I’m not sure I can or want to do this.” These verses might also lead us to ask, “Is this what Jesus meant?” I am conflict-averse. I do not like these verses, Sam-I-Am. They make me nervous and queasy.
Matthew presents a Jesus focused on how individuals live in a community. He keeps returning to this idea. Our priorities are often on ourselves as individuals. During the pandemic, we existed as hyper-individuals in virtual communities. This problem was not a new problem. Living in a fragile religious community and disconnected from each other in one form or another was a way of life for the early church.
Biblical discussions of community harmony are crucial. But here’s the surprise: this isn’t Matthew’s message. Jesus makes a more significant point. It’s easy to be distracted by conversations about community (and conflict resolution) and think we’ve heard all there is to hear. Jesus says, “There’s more to healing a gathered community than holding a confrontational meeting with a brother or sister.” Our relationships are of utmost value, and we should strive to maintain them.
Jesus outlines a method for addressing conflict among believers. He’s talking to his followers. His words, then, shouldn’t shock his audience. He says, “If another member sins (hold on to that word), go and point out the fault with the two of you when you’re alone.” See them in private, Jesus says. If that doesn’t work, take a posse with you. Grab two or three others for another talk (your posse can function as witnesses) and try again. Then Jesus ups the ante. Bring it up before God and everybody in front of the whole church. And if that doesn’t work, treat them like someone who has yet to be converted (a Gentile or Tax collector). He doesn’t mean to kick them out. Their relationship with the community evolves. Jesus is saying to love them from a distance.
Remember that dissension is a natural part of human existence. Churches are among the most human and imperfect groups around. No church has ever been in total agreement. An institution where no dissent exists is called a cult.
So, what’s the issue? This seems straightforward, “You go tell that sinner what for!” stuff. Some say that Jesus gives prudent and foolproof advice. Yes, it’s a good idea, but when you have these kinds of confrontations, people get hurt and traumatized in ways that we never imagined. Have you ever had to have a challenging conversation, even an argument, where you called a church member a sinner? If you’ve had more than one (and I’m hoping never), you’ve had one too many. When Jesus’ description of conflict resolution becomes the norm, there is unacknowledged toxicity in the community. Something is happening other than people wanting to do Jesus’ will.
Jesus isn’t only talking about rules for dealing with disagreements. This is about what’s driving the confrontation and destroys relationships. Sin is the source of conflict. This is a passage on how we define sin, sin against each other, and what forgiveness looks like.
Defining sin is a tricky business. If you want to try it, please be my guest. Somewhere along the way, you’ll end up talking about yourself. I’m not sure any of us are ready to have that conversation.
If another member sins against you, which party defines the “sin”? One person’s sin may be another’s firmly held opinion. My desire to confront your sin may not be rooted in righteousness; it could be a personality conflict.
We can find any number of sisters and brothers who will go and gang up on someone with whom we disagree and conveniently call a sinner. People love to join a verbal lynch mob.
Casting stones and calling out sinners can quickly become a one-sided hate fest. One-sided definitions of sin and cycles of confrontation do not mark a healthy religious community.
Shouldn’t it be easy to identify the sinner? Don’t they wear a scarlet letter in one form or another? Sadly, some Christians have views of sin and forgiveness rooted not in Mayberry but in the Middle Ages.
We can’t quickly tell who sinned against whom. Any counselor will know that in a dispute, the truth of the situation usually lies somewhere between the reports of conflicted parties. Our defensiveness and subjectivity keep us from seeing how much we may hurt others. Our self-interests only allow us to see how we have been offended. We often feel wronged but fail to admit we have wronged another person.
It is tempting to go about self-righteously judging and condemning our opponents. Where is the humility in this? Where is the concern for the weaker brother or sister? Ultimately, the only rule that appears foolproof here is the final promise. Shall we not dispute with one another in kindness (not judgment of one another’s sins)? Relationships matter.
In a day of great debates about our national life together, the disputes are complex and not easily solved. If it were such a simple matter as identifying the sin of one person or group, we could deal with this and bring it to an end. But there is plenty of sin to go around. I hope we’ll find enough grace to address the sins in our lives before we knock down the doors of others.