Part 1: Necessary Ending

Fiction: Searching for Grace

by

First of a five-part fictional story set in the early 1990s about Reverend Paul Graham and his congregation, Grace United Church of Christ.

In the spring of 1991, Reverend Paul Graham assumed the deacons meeting at Trinity Baptist Church was almost over. However, after completing their routine business, deacon chairperson Steven Smith announced, “Before adjourning, we have one final matter to discuss.”

Paul wondered, What’s this about? I don’t know of any other agenda items.

“Pastor Paul,” said Steven, “There’s no easy way to put this. The deacons and I want to talk to you about some concerns we have.”

Feeling broadsided but keeping a calm exterior in spite of his anxiety, Paul said, “What concerns are you referring to?”

“Frankly Paul,” replied Steven, “A lot of folks at Trinity feel you have beliefs that are too liberal for our congregation.”

“Can you give me some examples?” asked Paul.

“To begin with, your recent Wednesday night Bible study on modern biblical scholarship. Some of the people who attended that study say you don’t believe in an infallible Bible.”

“That’s a complex issue,” replied Paul. He paused for a moment, attempting to formulate an appropriate response.

Before he could respond, Richard Allen, a longtime deacon at Trinity, said, “And we don’t like you preaching on social issues like the environment, race relations, and poverty. We want you to stick to spiritual matters.”

Although Paul wanted to point out that poverty, race relations, and the environment were deeply spiritual issues, for now he decided to let it pass.

Richard continued, “Another concern is that you don’t preach verse-by-verse sermons from the Bible. A lot of our folks want to hear the Word of God, not a bunch of stories.”

An elderly deacon named Larry Grantham added, “Some members don’t think you talk enough about getting saved. They don’t like the fact that you don’t give an altar call every Sunday.”

A woman deacon

Adam Wheeler pipped in, “And folks are really unhappy about you cramming a woman deacon down our throat.”

Paul felt grateful that Linda, the newly elected female deacon, had not been able to make tonight’s meeting.

Larry Grantham added, “Since you arrived at Trinity, I can’t remember you ever preaching on hell. People wonder if you even believe in hell. Nor can I remember a sermon on the atoning blood of Jesus.”

Adam added, “And people are extremely uncomfortable about that lesbian couple attending our church over the past few months. They think you should do something about that.” 

The conversation went on like this for almost an hour. Although Paul did his best to respond nondefensively, given the circumstances, that proved difficult. 

“So,” Paul finally asked, “Are you here tonight to fire me?”

Steven answered the question for the group. “Paul, I know this meeting has been exceptionally hard for you. But I want to be very clear. In spite of our concerns, not one person in this room tonight is ready to see you fired. We all realize that you’ve done good work here. Our church has seen significant growth during your tenure. You’ve energized our children’s and youth ministries. Finances have been excellent. You are a good preacher and a capable leader. And there’s no doubt that you love the folks in this congregation.”

Steven continued, “So the answer is no, we are not here to fire you. But we are here to make a request. Actually, it’s more than a request. It’s an expectation. We want you to preach and teach more traditional doctrines. We want you to stay away from social issues. We want you to give an altar call every week. And we want you to refrain from making any more negative comments about the conservative direction the denomination is taking. People are tired of hearing about the fundamentalist takeover of the Southern Baptist Convention. A lot of folks in our congregation support the conservative movement, and it troubles them to hear their pastor condemn it.”

Paul wasn’t sure how to respond. He wanted to resign on the spot. But he had a family to consider. Finally, he said, “You’ve given me a lot to think about. I need time to process these concerns. So, how about this? I’ll honor your requests for the next two months, and we can pick this conversation back up at our next meeting in June.”

“Sounds fair enough to me,” replied Steve. “What do the rest of you think?”

Everyone concurred.

After a final closing prayer, Steve adjourned the meeting.

A phone call and a meeting

Paul immediately went to his office and made a phone call. 

At 9:00 a.m. the next morning, Paul went to visit his friend Craig Frazier, pastor at First United Church of Christ.

“I appreciate your taking time to talk on short notice,” Paul said as he walked into Craig’s office.

“Glad to do so,” Craig replied. “What’s on your mind?”

“After discussing it with you in theory several times over the past few years, the time has come for me to transfer to the United Church of Christ. You already know the reasons.” Paul then explained about the deacons meeting. “Last night’s meeting was the final straw. I’m ready to pull the trigger on this decision.”

“I’m glad to hear this, Paul. As I’ve said numerous times before, I believe the UCC will be an excellent fit for you.”

“So, what steps do I need to take to make this happen?”

“You have to jump through some ecclesiastical hoops, but you can make the change without too much trouble. Like the Southern Baptist Convention, United Church of Christ congregations are autonomous and can call whomever they want as pastor. You will need to get your ministerial credentials transferred. But given your education, experience, and theological persuasions, that will not present a problem. If you are ready to do this, I’ll put you in contact with our area conference minister, who can help you officially make the shift. I’ll also do some research and find out what congregations in the state are looking for a pastor.”

“I’m ready to move forward on this,” said Paul.

“Then I’ll get on it right away. The Southern Baptist Convention’s loss will be the United Church of Christ’s gain.”

“Thanks for your confidence in me. I appreciate your friendship and support during this challenging time.”

Three weeks later Craig called Paul on the phone. “I’ve come upon a possible opportunity. In Sarah’s hometown Grace UCC is seeking a transitional pastor. I know the church well. It’s a fine congregation. After a twenty-year tenure their pastor is about to retire, and they want to wait a year before hiring a permanent replacement. They are offering a one-year contract to start with. But assuming things go well, and I fully expect they will, it could easily become permanent. A one-year commitment is not ideal, but it would get your foot in the door and likely turn into something good. Can I tell them about you and share your resume? I know the chair of the search committee, so she will take the recommendation seriously.”

Paul hesitated. Leaving your family is hard, even when you know you must.

“Call and make the recommendation. And thanks so much for your help.”

An invitation

Four weeks later, after reviewing Paul’s resume, contacting his references, scheduling a face-to-face interview with him, and making an incognito visit at Trinity Baptist Church to hear him preach, Paul received a letter in the mail from the search committee at Grace UCC. 

Reverend Dr. Graham:

The transitional pastor search committee would like to thank you again for your interest in Grace Church. After reviewing your biographical information, contacting your references, talking with you in person, and listening to your excellent sermon at Trinity, we are delighted to unanimously offer you the position of transitional pastor at Grace United Church of Christ.

Attached you will find detailed salary, housing, vacation, and benefits information. As we discussed at length during our recent meeting with you, after one year of service, we will either end the transitional agreement or mutually agree to make the position permanent.

We look forward to hearing back from you soon. You are in our prayers as you seek God’s direction concerning this important decision. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to give me a call.

Sincerely,

Linda Caldwell, Chairperson

“The offer certainly has its downsides,” Paul said to Sarah. “I’m only guaranteed a job for one year, which concerns me, although Craig assures me there’s an excellent chance it will become permanent. The church is only half the size of Trinity and has a small staff. And the salary is far less than I’m making now.”

“On the other hand, it does provide a viable alternative to the severe theological problems I have with the Southern Baptist Convention. I simply cannot affirm the hard-line conservative beliefs anymore. Nor am I comfortable with the leadership’s judgmental attitude and harsh intolerance against anybody who disagrees with them. It feels like the SBC has become a graceless, closed-minded, and mean-spirited denomination. It’s hard for me to see a future in the SBC anymore.  

Sarah encouraged Paul to take the job. “It will get you out of a denomination you don’t fit in and never did. The UCC lines up perfectly with your style and beliefs. The church is in my hometown so the girls can see their grandparents on a regular basis. I can easily find a job there. I have a lot of good friends in town whom you will enjoy meeting. And, even if it’s only for one year, it will give you time to get established in a new community. Given your credentials and abilities, I have no doubt you can find a permanent position.”

Feeling emboldened by Sarah’s comments, Paul said. “Assuming I accept the job, we need to see this move as permanent. For the girls' stability and for your career, we need to stay put. If Grace doesn’t work out, I’ll find something else in town, even if it’s only an interim. If needed, I could explore options with the United Methodists or the Presbyterians. But I’m not moving our family again a year from now.”

Sarah said, “I wholeheartedly agree.” She paused, uncertain if she should continue. Then she said, “This is the right thing Paul; I just know it.”

Convinced by his wife’s instincts, which almost always proved correct, and his own positive inclinations, Paul accepted the offer.

Blessed and wounded

The next evening, after all the Trinity staff members left the office, Paul walked into the empty sanctuary. He sat on the front pew of the church that had both blessed him and wounded him. Part of him felt relieved. After years of trying to stay in a church and a denomination that weren’t right for him, Paul finally felt ready to go. Yet part of him also felt overwhelmingly sad about leaving.

The Baptist church introduced me to Jesus. They baptized me. They became the family my own family could not be. They loved, affirmed, and nurtured me. They educated and ordained me. They gave me my vocation and provided me with significant opportunities of service.

But the Southern Baptist Convention is no longer my home. Neither is Trinity Church. I don’t fit in anymore. I guess I never really did. I cannot stay in a fundamentalist denomination and keep my integrity. Difficult as it is to leave, it’s past time to go.  

As Paul walked out of the sanctuary into the parking lot for the drive home, he felt a deep sense of melancholy. I know this is the right thing. But it’s also the hard thing.

Over the next few weeks Paul resigned from Trinity Baptist Church and left the Southern Baptist Convention forever. A few days later he, Sarah, Joy, and Hope packed their belongings into a moving van and moved to Sarah’s hometown.

Martin Thielen, retired United Methodist minister and writer, is the creator and author of www.DoubtersParish.com. The stories in this series come from Martin’s novel An Inconvenient Loss of Faith. You can download the novel (for free) at www.DoubtersParish.com).