Be Kind
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
A United Methodist Insight Column
Comfort, O comfort my people, says your God. – Isaiah 40:1 (NRSV*)
Let's face it: times in The United Methodist Church right now are just a couple of pinpricks short of miserable.
Thanks to disaffiliation votes in some congregations, more people are losing their longtime – sometimes lifetime – spiritual homes. Plus, there's so much misinformation floating around about the UMC and what its future will be that it's like trying to find your way through a thick fog. Anyone who's paying the least attention to the UMC saga right now has many days of wanting to scream, "How the heck do I cope with the latest outrage that's splintering our church?"
I confess that even with my personal ritual of twice-daily online prayer with a group from St. Stephen UMC, I have lots of spontaneous exclamations to the Holy Spirit: "I just can't take this anymore!" That's when I look for spiritual comfort from some of our fellow United Methodists such as contributions from Robert A. Hunt, Daryl Fansler, Rebekah Simon-Peter and Steve Harper. This week, though, I turned to a self-professed "sarcastic Lutheran" (gasp!): the Rev. Nadia Bolz-Weber.
If you don't know Nadia's writing, you should check it out. I subscribe to her blog "The Corners." I recommend her writing for those of us who can take our faith straight up with a twist, as shown in Nadia's "colorful" (read "sometimes vulgar," but not profane) language. I love the way she shares her experiences in non-churchy language about how to live our Christian faith. As much as I love Christianity's "high church" traditions, sometimes life makes me swear like Peter rather than theologize like Paul. Nadia helps my timid Methodist soul accept that railing in anger is OK because God can take it.
This week one of Nadia's posts is titled, "17 ways to not be an asshole while travel is wonky and the world is understaffed (and undersupplied)." It occurred to me after I read her compilation of tips from her readers that their wisdom could apply to The United Methodist Church's situation as well.
Let's start with Nadia's personal reflections on the general state of life right now:
- "I can show lots of patience and gratitude to people in the service industry. Their lives are rough right now.
- "I can remember to bring snacks on the plane.
- "I can try and make difficult situations less difficult by being kind to those around me.
- "I can lower my expectations and then be thrilled when things go pretty well. “Oh my goodness . . . I got 90% of everything I paid for in this UberEATS order…that’s pretty darn good!”
Now here's some of what Nadia's readers suggest:
"I try to think of everyone as beginners, because everyone is new at this combination of pandemic, economic disruption, political trauma, and spinning in the rage-accelerator that social media often is. So just as I hope I would try not to yell at someone learning how to make piecrust or tie their shoes or ice skate, I try to treat people well by thinking 'they're just starting to learn this.' – A.K."
"When weighted down by negativity, make yourself look for the small graces and acknowledge them. Thank you that I didn’t fall when I rolled my ankle back there. Thank you that I found exact change for the machine. Thank you for letting me get to the bathroom in enough time. – J."
"Somewhere nearby is someone who is suffering more than I am. Maybe they are trying to get home to see their grandparent/parent/sibling/child for the last time. Maybe they have already seen someone for the last time and are now going home to be alone. I try to keep my eyes open for that person who needs some comfort and have it ready to offer. Even if it's just looking at another parent with two young kids like mine and say, 'I know what you're going through.' – S.T."
"I figure that a good mood can be just as contagious as a bad mood and besides, the airline (or other business) didn't get up that day and determined it wanted to make life miserable for as many people as possible – K.T."
These may seem like naive responses to the agony we're collectively facing as division rips the heart out of United Methodism, but to me these suggestions and others like them can give us mental handles for coping with our angst. There's a lot of bad blood out there, and continuing to fuel our 50 years of rancor isn't going to let us move forward in a healthy way.
So I propose that rather than attack either disaffected or loyalist United Methodists like the Russian army bearing down on Ukraine, we choose to fight back by not fighting back. Instead, we can model turning another cheek as Jesus counsels in Matthew 5:38-41: "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile." (NRSV*)
Or, if we want to use Nadia's colorful language, we can choose not to be assholes about the dissension in our ranks. Yes, we need to stand up to the lies being told about the UMC, as we've done all summer. Yes, we need to vote our convictions, whatever they may be. But I'm convinced our wounds will be less if we make an extra effort to be as Christlike as we can in the midst of our denominational pain.
After all, it's a steadfast Methodist tradition to bring snacks and smiles to share with everyone.
Cynthia B. Astle serves as Editor of United Methodist Insight, which she founded in 2011. To reproduce this content elsewhere, please email Insight for permission.
*New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) of the Holy Bible, copyright 1989, 1996 by the Christian Education Committee of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA. All rights reserved. Used by permission.