Photo by Jennifer Coulter Stapleton
Samuel Stapleton
Samuel Stapleton, 6, sleeps securely in his Maryland home.
I’ve been very close to gun violence twice. Close enough to break the illusion that I used to cling to—that this was something that happened to other people, to other people’s families.
As I write, we are two days shy the anniversary of the murder of 26 people—20 children—at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
And we are also just a few days shy of our beautiful Samuel’s sixth birthday. I’ve been dreading this birthday since December 14, 2012. Because six is the age that the majority of those children who died that day were. And, as much as I knew it wasn’t true, I was holding on to the idea that maybe losing your six-year-old just wouldn’t be as bad as losing your four-year-old or five-year old. On a rational level, I knew that reasoning didn’t make sense. But I just couldn’t accept that those mothers were really hurting as bad as I would be if anything ever happened to my precious boy. But, now, on the eve of six, that illusion is gone too.
They really are hurting that bad. They are all hurting, Michael Brown’s mother is hurting, Jordan Davis’ mother is hurting, and countless mothers across this country are hurting just as much as I would if, God forbid, I lost our son Samuel or our daughter Ruby.
One father from Newtown, Conn., home of Sandy Hook school, had a good response when people said to him, “I just can’t imagine what you are going through.” He would say. “Please imagine it. That’s the only way things are really going to change.”
But for me, I’ve had the exact opposite problem. It’s been almost impossible for me not to imagine it. Every day since Dec. 14, 2012, I’ve had to actively work not to imagine it as I send my children out the door to face the world.
And I’ve turned that fear into action. As you have all seen—probably many more times than you’d like—I’ve dedicated hours and hours working for change to try and make sure this stops happening. We can’t really say “Enough,” or “Not one more.” Because more children were shot on this day as I write—this time outside Rosemary Anderson High School in North Portland, Ore.
However, Sandy Hook created something inside me besides fear. It also created gratitude — deep, overwhelming gratitude for every precious moment I get to spend with the people I love most, especially Samuel and Ruby. We are only promised the moment we are in and my kids are going to have great big huge wonderful lives as long as I am around.
So we are going to New York City to celebrate Samuel like we do every year for his birthday. We are going to honor those who have lost their lives by not taking ours for granted. We are going to do it right — FAO Schwartz, Santa, Macy’s, Christmas windows — and we are going to love every moment of it. And I will thank God, profoundly, from the bottom of my soul, that Samuel is six.
Jennifer Coulter Stapleton of Cheverly, Md., is an activist with Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America.