Am I Growing in My Faith?

by

August 23, 2022

How do we know if we are progressing in our faith? How do we know if we are digressing in our faith? How do we know if we are stagnate in our faith? It is commonly taught that it is the fruit of our faith that matters and so we should just look to the fruit of our faith and then we know if we are progressing, digressing or stagnating. This way of thinking might overlook that a child can be full of kindness but that does not mean they have a deep faith that will help in time of need. Or even the most patient person might still desire to be correct all the time. So they are patient and self-righteous.

And so how do we know if we are progressing in our faith? One way to think about it is where we see God. More specifically we might think of the spiritual life as moving from:

Seeing God where we expect

Seeing God everywhere

Unable to see God

Seeing God where we do not expect God to be

What follows is a brief unpacking of each of these different movements, or different faiths.

There first is being able to see God where we expect to see God. This is the “reassurance faith.” We move through our world and we expect to see God in nature and so we look out and we see God in a sunset or a blooming grove. We expect to see God in the good, true and beautiful. We associate God with these things and so when we see something good, true and beautiful, we expect that God is there. And we see God. And that reassurance is soothing. It allows us to return to the good, true and beautiful when we are stressed, anxious or crumbling to be reassured that God is where we expect to see God.

However, as we experience the broader world, we begin to think that maybe God is not just limited to the light and beautiful. We begin to think that maybe God is also located in the night and darkness of our souls. We see God not just where we expect to see God but we begin to see God everywhere. Yes, God can be seen in a lovely daybreak but also in the heartbreak. God is present everywhere and there is no place where we can go that God would not lead us. This is the “purity faith.” Some stop at this level and think that if God is everywhere then I don’t need to participate in a worshiping community to see God because God is not just where I expect (such as in corporate worship) but God is also with me when I read a book with coffee early in the morning. Seeing God everywhere is a great step and it feels like we are going deeper, but in practice we begin to believe that God is where I am and I am where God is. While an important movement, remaining at this stage makes our sense of God rather small.

It makes sense why we might want to stay at “purity faith” because it gives us permission to retain our innocence without having to address the difficult question, such as: Can God be in the tragic? Where is God in this terrible things? Surely God is not in the evil thing, right? The inner conflict we have to see God everywhere but not being able to see God everywhere creates cognitive dissonance. Some of us resolve this dissonance by tossing our hands up and go back to “purity faith”. Others embrace a “material faith.” This is when we are not able to see God, and since we cannot see God, maybe God does not exist. To be clear, “material faith” is not atheism. It is not a rejection of a God, rather it is just a redirecting of what one has faith in. Maybe one begins to have faith in one self or in what is measurable or testable. Even the most ardent “atheist” has material faith, it is faith that rejects the intangible or the non-material.

The “deepest” movement that I have experienced is the movement into “contradiction faith.” This is most commonly experienced when we see God where we don’t expect God to be. When we are able to see God in the "other” or even the “enemy”. When we are able to see God in places where we do not expect God to dwell or be. When we are scandalized by the idea that God is present in the hells and demons of this world. Many of the most ardent faithful Contradiction faith looks silly, wishy-washy, inconsistent and even to some, evil. At it’s core, contradiction faith is being able to be surprised by God’s presence. It is unpredictable and vibrant. It is a freedom from having to solve or overlook inconsistencies in our faith. It is being able to see that contradiction is not to be avoided but to be embraced, because the very world is full of contradiction.