Photo Courtesy of Jim Burklo
Peanut M&Ms
Passing out M&Ms can often defuse a tense situation. (Photo Courtesy of Jim Burklo)
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others?” – Matthew 5: 43-47
While (Jesus) was still speaking, suddenly a crowd came, and the one called Judas, one of the twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, but Jesus said to him, “Judas, is it with a kiss that you are betraying the Son of Man?” When those who were around him saw what was coming, they asked, “Lord, should we strike with the sword?” Then one of them struck the slave of the high priest and cut off his right ear. But Jesus said, “No more of this!” And he touched his ear and healed him. – Luke 22: 47-51
Years ago, when I served as executive director of the Urban Ministry of Palo Alto, Calif., we interviewed applicants for supervisors of our night-time shelter program for unhoused people. One of them was a woman whose resume was perfect. But when we met with her, we were a bit nervous. She was about 5' 2" and had frizzy hair and huge glasses. We finally asked the tough question: "When confronted by large, angry people in an altercation, how would you handle it?"
"I have found that there are few situations like that which cannot be managed with a large bag of peanut M&Ms," she answered with a big grin.
After she left the room, we huddled. It took seconds for us to agree that she was hired.
And on her first day of work, we presented her with a large bag of peanut M&Ms. "Have at it," we said. And have at it she did. She was just the right person for the job.
Thanksgiving is coming, and we better get spiritually prepared for some potentially tough conversations. Bring along peanut M&Ms! They represent what might be called an "orthogonal intervention" that does not directly address the conflict or issue, but rather is tangential - coming out of seeming nowhere to move the encounter in a very different direction.
In times like these, creative approaches are very much needed. We've had plenty of tit-for-tat, back-and-forth conversations with people who voted very differently than we did. And it's obvious that the results have been sub-optimal.
Time to take a very different path.
For instance, instead of arguing at Thanksgiving when the topic of politics comes up, just ask questions. Why did you vote the way you did? And when they answer, ask yet another question that drills deeper into their reasons. And when they answer, ask another question. Each question plants a "peanut M&M" in their minds and hearts. Who knows what will emerge from within them, over time? From your questions, they might even get the inspiration to ask you a question – which then, with respect and loving kindness, you can answer.
When we ask questions - honest ones, open-ended ones - we show humility. Too often we cut off the ears of folks with whom we disagree with angry rhetoric, however justified. (I've been guilty of it myself....) The Christ healed ears so they could hear. The Christ heals our ears so we can hear. We do this divine healing work when we ask good, respectful questions. The Trump campaign, and its right-wing media echo chamber, steadily fed their followers a diet of curated outrage and grievance, to make them feel that "liberal elites" were looking down on them. This cynical tactic worked. I don't think it had nearly as much truth behind it as Fox, etc, made it look. But our country will be served best if we work overtime to show real respect for those with whom we strongly disagree, going forward.
January 20, 2025 will commence a period that is likely to bring political chaos, humanitarian crisis, and economic disaster to America and beyond. The seeds of its self-destruction have already been planted by the Republican party. Buyers' remorse is likely to follow soon after Trump's inauguration. But instead of saying "I told you so" to his voters, we need to lift up a positive alternative vision for our country, as we vigorously act to defend our democracy from an unprecendented threat of corrupt autocracy.
Our progressive churches will be crucial to this struggle. Now is our moment to invite into our faith communities the very many people who are looking for spiritual shelter. Now is our moment to manifest a Christian resistance to tyranny, with our non-violent words and deeds.
Can you think of other tangential, out-of-the-box, orthogonal ways of engaging with people who went the other direction on November 5th? Let's share our ideas with each other – as ways of accepting the challenge of unconditional love that the Christ puts before us. The survival of democracy may well depend on it!