Fighting words
Photo: designer491
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:25-27, 29
The rhetoric is getting intense. This Facebook post is a good example.
“Some of the most hateful arguments I’ve seen on FB lately have been people fighting over what to feed their dogs. Really people?”
This passage from Ephesians is a reminder that you should feel free to speak the truth. But remember that it’s your truth. I am not saying there is no such thing as absolute truth. However, my experience is that we humans claim to know this truth far more often then we actually do. Part of our human condition is that we are biased and irrational. So while we believe that we may know the truth, we ought to be very careful about how we express this.
Self-differentiation is the ability to say what you believe, while giving others the freedom to disagree.
We would all do well to take a lesson from Abraham Lincoln, who was President during the most divided period in this country‘s history. Here is what he said in his second inaugural address, near the end of the Civil War.
“Both read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces, but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered. That of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has His own purposes.”
Lincoln made decisions, based on principle and politics, and they still resulted in civil war. Yet, he was wise enough to know that his truth may not be absolute truth. God’s purposes are not often knowable. Humility is essential to tempering our understanding of truth.
We can be passionate about what we believe, even to the point of anger. But as Lincoln says, we would do well not to judge others who disagree with us. When our passion, our anger gets out of hand, we make room for all kinds of evil. Relationships get broken. Grudges, even feuds, develop. We focus on winners and losers, instead of the common good. There’s a lot of anger going on right now, and the devil is having a field day with it.
Ephesians also reminds us we can be passionate about what we believe, even to the point of anger. But we would do well not to judge others who disagree with us. When our passion, our anger gets out of hand, we make room for all kinds of evil. Relationships get broken. Grudges, even feuds, develop. We focus on winners and losers, instead of the common good. There’s a lot of anger going on right now, and the devil is having a field day with it.
Finally, there are several parts to verse 29 that I think are important.
Avoid evil talk. The literal translation for evil is rotten, putrefied, or corrupt and unfit for use. In my opinion, this describes much of the religous and political rhetoric these days.
What if, instead, our words were used to build up others, even those with whom we disagree?
Those who disagree with us are human beings worthy of love and grace like anyone else. We don’t have to agree with them, but we can respect them as persons. It’s much easier to do violence, verbal or physical, to those that we dehumanize and demonize. That's not good.
How can you help somebody that disagrees with you? Start by respecting them as a person. Listen to what matters to them. Get beyond the rhetoric and find what you have in common. We all desire a connection to others, meaningful work, emotional safety and physical security.
Find the good in the other. You don’t have to agree on every issue or even many issues to do this.
I have a friend who served in Vietnam. He and I disagree on just about every political issue. But I saw on Facebook that he was visiting Vietnam with his wife. My first thought was NOT that he is a bad person or that his politics are awful. I wondered how the experience would go for him. To me, that’s more important than our politics. The only thing I could think of to post on Facebook was “God be with you.”
To me, that’s what it means to use words that give grace. This is God‘s unmerited love and favor. This is God loving us no matter what. Can we love someone with whom we passionately disagree? We can, by the grace of God. That’s how we can be a people who offer life-giving speech.
We have a choice. We can communicate in ways that build others up and that are a means of grace. Or we can tear down those on the other side. Which will you choose?