Rapture
Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
I was wondering...
How might the Methodists prepare for the Rapture?
Here’s what I came up with:
1. The Great Potluck Rapture Countdown: Methodists are known for their epic potluck dinners, so why not have one last potluck before the Rapture? Picture it: a heavenly buffet of casseroles, fried chicken, BBQ meatballs, and pecan pie that will ascend with you to glory. Who doesn’t want to meet Jesus with a case of Holy Heartburn?
2. Hymn-Singing Rehearsals: In preparation for the Rapture, Methodists might gather for marathon hymn-singing sessions. They'll be ready to belt out “Standing on the Promises” when called to the big choir in the sky.
3. Baptism by Sprinkler System: If the Rapture surprises us, Methodists might set up an emergency sprinkler system for quick baptisms. We are a sprinkling people! It's like a divine car wash for the soul!
4. Donation of All Leftover "Brown and Serve" Rolls: Methodists love their "Brown and Serve" rolls, but in the face of the Rapture, they'd generously donate all their remaining rolls to the less fortunate. Because nothing says charity like carbs.
5. Heavenly Etiquette Classes: Methodists might take etiquette classes to ensure they're on their best behavior when meeting the Almighty. They'll practice polite nods, heavenly handshakes, and saintly smiles. We might also hold shoe-shining parties, ironing seminars, and last-minute Bible studies. We want to look our best and be ready for any pop quizzes.
6. "God Loves All Denominations" Bumper Stickers: To show their ecumenical spirit, Methodists might create bumper stickers that read, "God Loves All Denominations, But Methodists Are the Nicest!" It's all about spreading goodwill, even in the end times.
7. The "Sin-Free" Potluck Challenge: In a fun twist, Methodists might challenge each other to bring the most sin-free dishes to their final potluck. Who can make the holiest green bean casserole without any bacon? We’ll finally go kosher!
8. The Heavenly BBQ: Methodists might fire up the grills for one last barbecue with angelic BBQ sauce. Because even in the Rapture, there's no reason to give up barbecue.
9. Rapture Survival Kits: If the Rapture doesn't come as expected, Methodists might prepare "Rapture Survival Kits" with essentials like coffee, copies of the Upper Room, and a year's supply of church cookbooks.
10. A Final Church Council Meeting: Methodists are known for their love of meetings, so they might call a final church council meeting just before Jesus arrives. They will want to ensure the lawn is mowed, the bathrooms are cleaned, the sanctuary is vacuumed, there is enough money in the budget to buy the BBQ shoulder, and there are enough paper products for the Rapture Potluck.
Whether preparing for the Rapture or just living life to the fullest, a life of faith is about finding joy along the way! Find some today.
Until next time, stay brave, stay beautiful, and stay sweet.
See you soon, my friends.