Shitama Family
The Shitama Family on an outing by the seashore. (Photo Courtesy of Jack Shitama)
One of my sons was five when he asked, “Dad, when I get married will my wife be part of the family?”
I said, “Of course!”
He replied, “I mean can she come to Hatteras with us?”
At the time, we had been celebrating vacation week with extended family on the Outer Banks in North Carolina for about six years. To my son, being a part of family meant being invited to these experiences.
Most people who are in ministry will say they put God first, family second, and the church or work third. This is great in theory, but there is surrounding togetherness pressure to put work before family. It’s easier to tell yourself that you’ll put work first (“just this time”) and you will make it up to them later. It’s harder to say to your boss or congregation, “I need to do this because my family is important to me.”
This is what non-anxious leaders do.
The demands of a congregation or organization never stop. This is true for your family as well, but if you don’t take the time to invest in your most important relationships you will eventually face a crisis.
Stephen Covey asked, “What if you spend your whole life climbing the ladder to success and one day find it’s up against the wrong wall?” He also said. “Nobody, on their deathbed, wishes they had spent more time at the office.”
When I started as a Camp Director in 2000 our children were in school and living at home. At that point, we had been doing a summer vacation in Hatteras for over a decade. I had to choose between being with the family and being at summer camp. I chose being with the family.
I think I knew intuitively that if I started missing the family vacation that first year on the job, I might never get it back. By the grace of God I believe I was able to make the right choice.
I may be mistaken, but I think it also modeled to the people I work with that my family DOES come first, and I would hope they did the same. There have been many times when I’ve chosen work over family. But I believe overall I have put my family first.
How do you respond when faced with the choice between family and work? Remaining a non-anxious presence will not only help you make the best choice for you and your family, it will help you model your most important priorities for others. I believe we’re all better off for it.