UMNS Photo by Mike DuBose
Reaction to vote on sexuality
Delegate Jo Ann Carlotto (left) of the New England Conference wipes her eyes with a rainbow stole after 2012 General Conference delegates voted to maintain the United Methodist Church's stance against homosexual practice.
Oh, Church!
Church into which I was born; Church whose baptismal waters sealed me as God’s own; Church where I was confirmed; Church that taught me about the unbounded love of Christ; Church that recognized my call into ministry before I did, you taught me how to pray. You gave me a love for the Gospel and ways to proclaim that truth. You persisted in protecting me during times in my life that were most unsafe. You carried me when my legs were too weak to walk. You affirmed my ministry as a lay person and brought me to the cusp of ordination. And while I was abundantly blessed by friends who met with me in secret, by pastors under whose stole I could self-avow, I was unprepared for the whirlwind 72 hours when (out of my desire for integrity and authenticity) I identified myself to you as a lesbian who was trying to discern a spiritual draw to a different denomination. Within the course of three days, you managed to renege the affirmations, the hugs, the pats on the back, the blessings, the teachings, the love, and the vows we made together. But, Church, I made it through my pain. I worked on my grief and loss. I’m a big girl. I have thick skin. I can handle the blows. I can handle the pain. I didn’t think I could. For years I didn’t think I could. But I did, and I can.
And I hope you can imagine the pain it is to be told in the same breath, “we believe your life is incompatible with Christian teaching” and “we give thanks for all that God has already given you, and we welcome you in Christian love.”
So my questions are these:
How many babies do you have to baptize before you realize that these two phrases will never blend?
How many LGBT elders have to be stripped of their vibrant, loving ministry?
How many candidates for ordination have to make the tough decision to risk a life of secrecy vs. a life of authenticity?
How many candidates for ordination have to make the tough decision to risk a life of secrecy vs. a life of authenticity?
How many teens have to slip into a deeper, more confused state of being when what they need is a simple assurance from their families and their church that they are whole?
How much pain, how many tears, how many lives does it require to take a (very, very) small step toward God’s unlimited love by removing one small phrase from your doctrine?
What I do understand is that my story is not uncommon. And I simply cannot make sense of it.
I weep for you today, Mother Church.
To those of you, who remain in this fight for justice, thank you. I find glimpses of hope for you and your church in your eyes, actions, and words.
For those living in secrecy, keep the faith.
For those confused about who they are, in life, in the church, and especially in God’s eyes, remember that nothing—neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things resent, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (church litigation included), can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. You are a child of God. You are Spirit-breathed. You are created by Love to love. You are deemed “good” by the One we call “Most High.”
May the peace of God be with us all.
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Reprinted with persmission from the MFSA web site.
The Rev. Lauren Kilbourn is an Episcopal Priest in Cary, NC. She and her partner love God, love each other, and love that God loves them both. She is a graduate of Duke Divinity School and Virginia Theological Seminary. She was a candidate for ministry in The United Methodist Church until she came out to her conference.