Tired
Image by Flickr user jazbeck. Used under Creative Commons License. Cropped from original.
Towards the end of Annual Conference someone leaned over and whispered with excitement, “Can you believe we won?” The quizzical look on my face spoke volumes. “The legislation…The delegation…We won!” And I wasn’t really sure how to respond. So, I went with my pat “Oh, good job.”
Not too long after, I ran into someone else and after exchanging pleasantries, looked at me and said, “I’m so sad to be losing my church and I can’t say anything about it.” And again, I wasn’t really sure how to respond. So, I went with “I’m so sorry…”
There appears to be an epic battle for the Church right now. Each side wants to declare victory and has biblical backup as their weaponry. Each side has their arguments and tactics planned out in order to secure their victory. If you’re not for us, you’re against us. Declare your position. Name calling, mud slinging, heretics, backstabbing. Yay Jesus!
I am so tired. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of people I love being hurt. I’m tired of seeing the church that I love tear each other apart. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like I have to pick a side and I’m tired of feeling like I picked the wrong one. I’m tired. I know I can’t be the only one.
When I’m physically tired, a nap is a good option (with the exception of times that I use caffeine to power through). When I’m emotionally tired, reality TV and ice cream are good options. When I’m spiritually tired, I usually need some time doing visual journaling or some kind of praying through art. When I’m institutionally tired, I usually check out.
It would be easy to turn this into a whiney post (maybe it already is), but instead of just whining or giving up, I want to do something about it. I truly believe that it must be possible for a diverse group of people to be a part of the same church. Hasn’t it always been that way?
I’ve seen two ways: Fully investing into the system of church and trying to change it from the inside. This is usually through some political process and includes some legislation & voting. The other way is fully divesting from the system of church and “just doing ministry.” That may mean barely attending meetings, disengaging from votes or legislation, or even mocking the process altogether.
What if there’s another way? What if we work on intentionally building relationships in order to live and learn together? What if we actually listened to each other instead of trying to prove the other was wrong and we’re right? What if we loved each other instead of trying to win and make the other lose? This is a Church that I want to be a part of.
General Conference is fast approaching, which always makes people anxious. There are people who have been fighting for their voice to be heard & accepted for far too long. There are people who have been disappointed and left out for far too long. There are people who are scared that the world is changing too fast and there are people who are frustrated that the world isn’t changing fast enough. In between all of that, there are people who are clueless to what is happening.
Is it possible to set aside all legislation and political posturing at any given United Methodist Conference (be it Annual, Jurisdictional, or General) in order to have conversation and build relationships? I know that this hasn’t gone well at all times when holy conversation has been suggested or initiated. In fact, it’s been quite harmful. I wonder, though, if it’s because people entered into the conversation (on both sides) to prove why they’re right and not to listen to one another. Can we work on intentionally building relationships in order to change each other instead of engaging in a war of words?
When I think of my own journey, I knew all of the arguments on most hot button issues. What shifted me one way or another, was hearing other people’s stories and experiences and sharing them together. Speaking the truth in love only works when you know the other person loves you.
I’m still formulating for myself what this other option looks like because I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to be anxious. I don’t want to have anyone feel like they are not welcome or invited to be a part of a church. I’m also tired of being tired. So, that can only mean that it’s time to do something about it with others who are feeling the same way.
Rev. Melissa Meyers serves as the lead pastor of Faith United Methodist Church in Genoa, IL. Melissa is passionate about ministry in the 21st century, connecting generations together, and pop culture. It is her not-so-secret desire to have her own reality show someday. You can find her blogging at pastormelissa.blogspot.com or on twitter @pastormelissa. This post is reprinted with permission from UMC Lead.