Photo by Luca Nicoletti on Unsplash
Love is one of humanity’s most profound and mysterious experiences. Here’s how it works: we are given instructions on who to love and how to love, yet the true meaning of love remains elusive and subjective, residing in the eye of the beholder. It's incredible that amidst our emotional baggage and outright threats to life and limb, any form of love can be cultivated.
Our lives are filled with versions of love, from the mundane to the sublime. We love the warmth of morning coffee, the smile of an infant, or simply coming home at the end of a long day. These expressions of love are often straightforward and self-centered, driven by our desires and preferences. They are easy to identify and understand because they provide immediate gratification and pleasure. Yet, love in its more profound expressions—love for another person, a community, or even love for humanity—requires us to step outside ourselves and embrace the complexity and vulnerability of human connection.
Throughout history, professional smarty-pants types have attempted to guide our understanding and practice of love. Jesus' commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself" is a call to radical love transcending personal preference and convenience. It asks us to extend compassion, empathy, and kindness to those around us, even when difficult or uncomfortable.
Despite these teachings, we never receive a clear definition of love. Instead, we are told who to love—our family, friends, and community—and occasionally how to love through acts of service, sacrifice, and understanding. The lack of a precise definition of love underscores its subjective nature, an experience we must navigate and interpret independently.
We are sent into the world without a love handbook. Inevitably, we fail more than we succeed. In these moments of failure and learning, we begin to understand the depth and complexity of love. Learning who or what to love is simple. Learning the meaning of love is a years-long exercise in emotional literacy. The idea of multiple love languages is nonsense. Love is one language with grammar, syntax, and an extensive vocabulary. We spend a lifetime trying to achieve a minimal level of fluency. If we can master a few basic phrases, we’ve defied the odds.
Love is profoundly subjective. What one person considers an act of love might be seen differently by another. This subjectivity is what makes love so elusive and challenging to define. Love is not a one-size-fits-all experience; it varies from person to person, relationship to relationship. My idea of love, shaped by my experiences and values, is likely different from yours. Yet, this very subjectivity makes love transformative. It can change, improve, and bring us closer to our true selves.
Finding romantic, platonic, or communal love is nothing short of a miracle, considering we live in a world filled with violence and division. The future of civilization depends on the miracle of love. Despite this, we take our miracles for granted; we forget they are possible, and many people don’t care.
Don’t stop failing. Step into the world. Keep writing your handbook. You need your perspective. No one is going to do it for you.
Until next time,
Stay righteous, mis amigos.
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