WB Prisoner of Hope
Where does the despairing soul find new hope? The travel from London to Georgia had wrecked Charles Wesley to the core. While we may become weary from the jet lag and long flight, in the 1700s it took months to cross the Atlantic by ship. The Wesleys' ship, The Simmonds, boarded in England on Oct. 14, 1735, and they didn’t step foot on ground again until March 9, 1736! The Holy Club worked hard to keep their religious duties at the forefront, which kept them busy and useful to the other crew members. But Charles wrote one of his darkest hymns on that journey: “A Hymn for Midnight.” Here’s an excerpt:
Absent from Thee, my exiled Soul / Deep in a Fleshly Dungeon groans; / Around me Clouds of Darkness roll, / And laboring Silence speaks my Moans; / Come quickly, Lord! Thy Face display, / And look my Midnight into Day.
Charles’ journal and letters from that journey reveal a disconnect between his hope for the gospel and his emotional experience. Just before landing, he wrote his female friends back in England: “I cannot follow my own advice; but yet I advise you — Give God your hearts” (Feb. 5, 1736). On Feb. 14, Charles was beginning to see an end in sight, calling himself “a prisoner of hope,” with a renewed sense of purpose as he prepared to care for his parishioners in the New World.
Charles would become the personal assistant to James Oglethorpe, the leader of the Georgia social experiment. In 1729, Oglethorpe led the charge for prison reform after a close friend of his died from smallpox contracted in debtor’s prison. Oglethorpe sought to expose prison abuses and change the system within, but he realized that British poverty was too great a problem for him to fix. He had become enamored with the idea of a class-free society in the New World, and received approval to set up a colony in Georgia (technically, still a Spanish territory). Georgia would be a planned colony, where slavery was outlawed, and all people would function in roles that benefited the entire community, rather than a few building up personal wealth. The Wesley family loved Oglethorpe’s ideals and were huge supporters of this social experiment. Even with its ideals, the British government expected Georgia to be a military buffer between Spanish Florida and the British colonies.
The beginning of the Wesley missionary journey has fascinating parallels for modern ministry…the excitement and purpose of shaping something new in the world, the personal weight of one’s own limits, and the attempt to balance purpose and despair with reasonable, relentless hope. Studies in the last ten years show pastors suffer from “obesity, hypertension and depression at rates higher than the average American…their use of antidepressants has risen, while their life expectancy has fallen…many would change jobs if they could” (NYT article here). Clergy tend to have boundary issues, and congregations tend to reward the clergy who always gives even at her own expense, and punish the clergy who take care of themselves and don’t say “yes” immediately to every need expressed by the church. Many clergy find themselves navigating the inability to deal with their own mental health problems with the relentless drive to help others. Add to that this holy purpose, this Ultimate Cause, and there can be tremendous sense of unhappiness and constant failure even in the most “successful” ministers (Fantastically helpful article here, “Pastor, Heal Thyself”). Often, the clergy that are doing the most and best for the church are the ones who most hate their lives and have the greatest distance from their loved ones. But this is not God’s intention for those ministers or for the church. Ministry really can be healthy and good.
If you are experiencing burnout in ministry, you are not alone. Talk to you Conference now. They have resources to help you pay for counseling. There are grants to help you take spiritual renewal retreats. Christ has already paid the sacrifice. There is always work to be done. We will always have the poor among us. Allow yourself regular self-care, to let the alabaster jar of God’s love replenish you, and remind you that you are already enough. If you are a layperson in your church, remember to pray for your clergy. I love this prayer for clergy, from Paul’s letter to the Ephesians:
As for me, pray that when I open my mouth, I’ll get a message that confidently makes this secret plan of the gospel known. I’m an ambassador in chains for the sake of the gospel. Pray so that the Lord will give me the confidence to say what I have to say. Ephesians 6:19-20
When not drawing the Wesley Bros cartoon, the Rev. Charlie Baber, a United Methodist deacon, serves as minister of discipleship for youth and families at Highland United Methodist Church in Raleigh, N.C. His cartoon appears on United Methodist Insight by special arrangement.