Crybaby Christians

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The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ. We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knitted together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.  (Ephesians 4:11-16)

Wah, wah, wah!  Crying is the universal language and primary mode of communication for infants and toddlers.  Babies cry when they are hungry, tired, cranky, wet, angry, scared, thwarted, frustrated, challenged or hit.  In the self-centered, ego-centric, me/me/me, mine/mine/mine world of the absolutely immature, crying is power.  Interesting how few ever truly grow out of it…  Know the difference between an infant and a United Methodist?  Infants cry when they need changing; United Methodists cry when required to change.

A thread running throughout Paul’s letters, literally in Ephesians, is the admonition to “grow up!”  Maturing in the Christian faith is the central work of all who call themselves disciples of Jesus Christ.  Maturing — and in fact, discipleship — is all about change.  And oh don’t we hate change?  Wallowing in immaturity allows us to ignore and deny responsibility to become like Jesus.  Babies just let emotions run wild, and self-control isn’t even on the table.  Our current reality in The United Methodist Church is one of selfish regard, entitlement thinking, demanding our own way, and expecting “the adults” to take care of us.  Of course, whenever “the adults” do something we don’t like, we throw a tantrum.  We engage in a thousand and one immature behaviors whenever things don’t go the way we want them to.  If we get in a disagreement, we escalate the negative emotional energy, then threaten to take our toys and walk away.

Some people may be offended by this assessment, but take a look at the list of behaviors, values and attitudes below.  Which do you feel are more mature, and which less mature?

 I am going to conjecture that almost every list would pretty much match — we know mature from immature behavior.  It doesn’t mean we choose maturity over immaturity, though, just because we know the difference.  The way Christians who disagree with each other speak of one another is horrific.  The least mature among us are squalling to take our ball and go home if we don’t get our way.  We get a pastor we don’t like, and instead of committing to work together to help the pastor effectively lead, we cry to our District Superintendent, Bishop and/or anyone who will listen.  Someone suggests a change to worship time or style and the bullies, whiners, gossips, and a host of other babies wail and bawl.  If we don’t get our way, we stay home, or go somewhere else.  And we promise not to return until our personal, selfish demands are met.  If we don’t get what we want, we refuse to play.

In cases where the expectation is that people will “grow up,” “act mature,” or care more for others, you see the equivalent of arching backs, kicking feet, balled-up fists, and beet-red faces.  If offered theological meat instead of Sunday school milk, we make faces and spit it out.  We expect to be rewarded for every little thing, just as little children demand recognition when they brush their own teeth, dress themselves, or go potty like big people.  If we don’t give a certificate and a pin, people can’t be bothered to read the Bible or pray (things every adult Christian should do without having to be rewarded or recognized).

Little children freely hit, slap, and scream things like “I hate you!”  Violence, coercion, personal attack, bullying, name-calling, hating — these are the qualities of toddlerhood.  We work hard with our children to help them outgrow such inappropriate behaviors.  Funny how easily they seem to slip into our congregations of supposed adults.  If you doubt me, sit in on a church discussion of homosexuality, abortion, gun violence, gambling or capital punishment.  Immature Christians rush to these discussions the way they would when a playmate touches a favorite toy.

Crying is an essential survival tool for human children.  Selfish, self-centered self-interest is imperative for infants to establish a basis of individuality in the time they are completely dependent on others.  From this foundation, all growth takes place.  The analogy is not strained when applied to our spiritual maturing as Christians.  We do our children no favors by allowing them to hold onto sociopathic and selfish behaviors into adolescence.  We are not doing our church any favors by tolerating the self-centered and immature behaviors of Christian believers with no interest in growing in their faith.  Maturing in the Christian life = making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world.  Babies can’t do it.  Mature disciples can.  The longer we allow ourselves to be dominated by crybaby Christians, the less likely we will ever fulfill our purpose and do God’s will.  Let us no longer be children, but instead let’s work together to grow up into the adult body of Christ.  And don’t forget to take your nap, so you don’t get cranky.

Don't miss the follow-up to this article: In Defense of Christian Crybabies.  

Author of 15 books on Christian discipleship and church leadership, the Rev. Dan R. Dick serves as assistant to the bishop of the Wisconsin Area of The United Methodist Church. He blogs at United Methodeviations.