Seventeen Years

by

It's been 17 years since I got on a bus as a strung out, addicted, angry and confused 19 year old. I left my hometown of Foley, Alabama on a Greyhound bus to go to a program in Houston, Texas just hoping I could make a bit of a change and avoid going to prison. 17 years since I left the chaos and pain of living life as a gang member and reached out with all the strength I had left to do something with my life. 17 years off drugs. 17 years of learning and growing and changing.

I became a Christian because God met me in that lowest, darkest moment of my life. I had no control over my life and I was going through withdrawals and out of that stillness God told me they are with me. The closeness I felt to a supernatural being that I didn't even really believe in at the time is one that I couldn't and still can't really describe.

“... the God I fell in love with 17 years ago is one who cares nothing for all the money and power that comes with Christian empire building...”

Over the last few years I've thought about that time 17 years ago a lot. I've questioned my faith as I've seen many of the people who were fundamental in introducing me to and teaching me about Christianity reveal their racism and bigotry. Many of those people have completely rejected me at this point in my life. I've asked myself if my faith could be real when so many of the people who introduced me to it clearly aren't. But there are always those moments when nobody was around, when nobody was watching, that my interactions with God were that of a kid who was lost and needed some sort of anchor, some sort of reason to have morals and do good and God met me in that and held me down and gave me a reason to move forward day by day. The God who met me in my darkest hour is the God I believe in.

Over the last few years I've seen behind the curtain of church structure and it's not pretty. I've hung out with six figure pastors and seen the compromises they make to appease their wealthy white donors. I've talked to pastors who believe in affirming LGBTQ people but won't do it because they're more worried about losing members and money than they are about the gay kid in their church losing their life. I've seen the ways money controls the church and it's caused me to question everything about Christianity. But the God I fell in love with 17 years ago is one who cares nothing for all the money and power that comes with Christian empire building. I believe that God is deeply saddened by the way Their name is attached to that industry.

So I'm still a Christian. Albeit a deeply wounded, jaded and frustrated one who has nearly lost faith in church altogether. I have faith in God. I have faith in Jesus the Christ. I have faith in you. I have faith in me. Because I believe that God is within all of us pushing us to love one another, to care for one another, to set aside the things that don't matter and create a world that's equitable for all of us.

My faith journey has so many twists and turns and ups and downs, but the one constant through all of it is God's closeness to me, and that urge to learn more, and to grow and do more to try and create a better world. A world that many people don't think is possible. A world without boundaries and borders, a world without oppression and rejection. In the words of the greatest poet of my generation, Tupac Shakur, "we've come a long ways but still we've got so far to go".

May we all lean into our questions and passions a little more today. Ask the tough questions, and let the chips fall where they may.

Andrew Robinson, an eighth-grade history teacher, is described by his friends as someone who has a powerful journey of recovery and commitment to doing God’s work as a follower of Jesus. This post is republished with permission from UM-Forward.