Disarming the Culture of Hate and Violence

July 5, 2022

5:36 PM

Teens Talk

Add parades to the list of once safe spaces that gun violence has now punctured. As July 4 celebrations took place across the nation, a shooter killed six people and injured at least thirty more in a wealthy suburb outside Chicago at a holiday parade. Why so much gun violence in our nation? Many factors contribute to gun violence including the deflection of personal responsibility, untreated mental health issues, lax gun policies, and easy access to firearms. Add to the list one more critical factor that requires disarming: the culture of hate and violence. In this blog, I am going to share with you specific ways that the church in particular is overcoming this toxic culture, and what positive things you can do in your particular setting.

Our Culture of Hate and Violence

I do believe that the church can play a positive role in reducing gun violence. Yet we have to understand the problem that we are up against. As I write in Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World:

We are living in a time of deep political, economic, religious, social, racial, and generational polarization. This polarization is undergirded by what Arthur Brooks calls the “culture of contempt.” In the culture of contempt, differences are framed as fatal which deepens distrust of the other and encourages a gleeful sense of superiority over others. Most of all, this culture of contempt fuels an ever-ready sense of outrage, draining us before we even get to the issues that ought to cause real outrage: human trafficking, homelessness, hunger, poverty, and hierarchies based on color, money, or privilege.

This culture is pervasive.

The Myth that the Church is Immune to Hate and Violence

While it’s easy to see polarization “out there” in society, please don’t fall prey to the myth that it’s only “out there.” Whatever is going on in the echo chambers of social media, or toxic pseudo-news casts, or video games makes its way into the church. So we have to deal with the imported culture of contempt. But churches also need to look to see if they are responsible in some way for fanning the flames of contempt. If we use the Bible or the love of God as a weapon against each other then we are contributing to the problem. If we sow mistrust of each other we are part of the problem. It’s important to preach in a way that builds up others, rather than tears them down.

Disarming the Culture of Hate and Violence

It is possible for people to get along even when they disagree greatly? Recently, the Dallas/Fort Worth Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church demonstrated that they could disagree on faith and ethics yet still work together. They voted on an amicable separation plan for their conference. It lacked the usual winners and losers and had a notable sense of humility and unity even as they sought to separate from one another. Similarly, the Mountain Sky Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church highlighted a plan for supporting churches who would be hurt by disaffiliation. This initiative, “A Table for All” was likened to a Thanksgiving table. Whenever family gathers, like at a holiday table, you don’t need to agree to share in fellowship, love and civility. With this as a model, a positive future is possible.

The Pervasive Culture of Hate and Violence

The American culture of hate and violence is undergirded by everything from violent video games and movies to conspiracy theories such as QAnon, to a stolen election, to toxic distrust of the other. Exacerbated by the stresses of the pandemic, this culture has stealthily taken root in some congregations.

I am grateful for the work of colleague Rev. Derek Kubilus. He has successfully used motivational interviewing to bring people aligned with conspiracy theories such as QAnon that disrupt the life of the church back into community. He cautions people to stay away from debate or ridicule as that only exacerbates differences. Instead, he suggests these three questions:

Why do you believe what you believe?
What led you to these ideas?
What makes these ideas so convincing for you?

While Derek suggests this process for de-escalating and re-integrating conspiracy theorists into the life of the church, I think motivational interviewing can work for any kind of polarization. Because it does not dehumanize the other, rather, it deepens a sense of belonging by creating curiosity and connection.

Next Steps

None of this is easy. It requires time and intentionality and practice. But there is no more pertinent time than now, and as the church, we can make an impressionable difference. If you’re willing to give it a try, here are a few places you can start:

Practice motivational interviewing with your people. Engage them in discussion about the things you disagree with instead of avoiding them.
Check out my books Forging a New Path or Dream Like Jesus. I go into great detail about the Platinum Rule in these books and how you can apply it in your setting.
Join me for Leadership Mojo Wednesday, July 6 at 5pm MT/7pm ET for a live discussion with Derek Kubilus. We’ll talk about the culture of hate and violence and how we can disarm it to make way for productive and compassionate conversation.

One last thing you can do is join in a cohort of Creating a Culture of Renewal^® starting this fall. This life-giving experience supports you in making sustainable shifts in your congregational culture while growing in your own leadership smarts.