I have a friend who was once a Nursery School teacher. She once shared with me a conversation between one of her students and his father. It was one which Matthew, whom she described as a "handful," and his father had every day.
"OK, Matthew, I'm going to go now. What's the first rule?" "Listen." said a voice made soft by the seriousness of an occasion which by now was familiar. "That's good, Matthew! Are you going to listen today?" "Yes, Daddy, I'm going to listen." "Good. Matthew!
Now, what's the second rule?" "Don't push anybody." said Matthew with eyes that wanted to look anywhere but at his father. "You're not going to push anybody today are you, Matthew?" "No, Daddy." says Matthew, knowing that it’s the only acceptable answer. My teacher friend remembers standing by, and hoping that he didn't.
"What's the third rule, Matthew?" By now Matthew was shuffling his feet, and his head was down: "I forget." He knew, but he didn't want to say it. "You know what it is, Matthew - `Don't bite!'" Looking up, with tentative innocence, he answered: "Yes, Daddy, I'll try." When she told me the story, my friend grinned and said: "Matthew is trying." Both of us laughed at the double meaning.
It occurred to me that Matthew's rules would make a good new year's resolution: "Listen, don't push anybody, and don't bite." It would surely be a better world if people would listen to each other, and seek to understand each other, and learn from each other. I was astonished to discover that the word ‘listen’ is used nearly 300 times in scripture. Most often it is a plea from God for the people to hear the Word of God.
John S. Mogabgab, once Editor of “Weavings,” a wonderful journal of the Christian spiritual life, wrote: “In every experience of true listening, especially to God but also to another person, there is a mysterious moment in which the one who listens steps out from a fortress of self concern and dwells silently in the truth of the one who speaks. This is a moment of great risk and great courage, for it ushers us into a different way of being in the world.” To truly listen to another human being is to acknowledge that they also are a person of sacred worth. It is to honor their presence and learn their story. It is seeking to hear not only what they are saying, but what they are trying to say, and begin to sense the whole truth about them. And when it comes to God, why, if we listened, we might even hear what God is trying to say to us, and have our lives transformed by it
As for, “Don't push anybody,” the prophet Amos could not make it any clearer: “Thus says the LORD: For three transgressions of Israel, and for four, I will not revoke the punishment; because they sell the righteous for silver, and the needy for a pair of sandals – they who trample the head of the poor into the dust of the earth, and push the afflicted out of the way ... so that my holy name is profaned” [Amos 2:6-7] The world would certainly be better off if people stopped pushing their narrow brands of politics or religion, or if people stopped pushing drugs, or if people stopped pushing their products as society's salvation.
We often think that biting is just something that has to be trained out of some small children. But here’s another way of looking at it. It’s not uncommon for people to use biting words, for nations to bite off parts of other countries, for the rich and powerful to bite into the safety nets of the poor and powerless.
Actually, biting was a depressing reality in the early church. We call it a “turf war” today. Listen to what scripture says to the scrabbling members of the Galatian church: “For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence, but through love become slaves to one another. For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ If, however, you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.” [Galatians 5:13-15]
We've all got a ways to go in learning how to live with each other, and I am hopeful. In the meantime, if you are still looking for ‘New Year's Resolutions’, let me commend Matthew's Rules for the New Year: "Listen, don't push anybody, and don't bite."
The Rev. F. Richard Garland is a retired clergy member of the New England Annual Conference.