The UMC: Leaving Behind the Hope of Dialogue

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When my husband and I married about 3 ½ years ago, one particularly difficult task faced us as we combined households: what to do with all the books.

Both of us love books; both have collected them avidly over the years. While I, personally, also have given away thousands of books when things got unwieldy, my sweet husband has, I believe, kept every single book he has ever acquired.

We’re lucky enough to have dedicated library space in our house and felt sure we could accommodate all of them.

The aforementioned sweet husband took on the task of cataloging, in his unique system, all the books and then finding a place for them.

I did not help him. I had the rest of my belongings to unpack and place. So, without my input, he grouped the books in essentially two categories: “religious” books and everything else. The “everything else’s landed in the “fiction” section. Since he had not read any I brought, he made guesses, lots of guesses.

Since then I have not been able to find a single book I brought into the house, despite the fact that the again aforementioned sweet husband kept telling me, “I don’t understand the problem: they are arranged alphabetically by author.” Well, yes but . . .

Having been just a tiny bit frustrated about this, I finally took advantage of the recent cold weather and the need to stay inside and started re-arranging all the books.

No Overlap But Hope For Dialogue

I have become increasingly aware in the short time of this fascinating marriage that what I see and hear at any given time may have little or no overlap with what he sees and hears at the same time and in the same space.

And it is clear that his way of categorizing books has essentially no overlap with the way I categorize them.

I am only partway through the process. Many hundreds of books cover the floor, tables, couches and any other place I could find to put them temporarily while I re-sort them. I found several books I have been needing for several months (years?) now. Some contained research for my doctoral work; others had important historical religious facts that I wanted to reference in my writing.

There was no way I could remember the author’s names to find them—I had always sorted mine by genre and knew where they were by a visual memory of where they sat on my bookcases.

Nothing like two different worlds, both correct for us individually, colliding as a couple! Fortunately, as I display my system to that sweet husband, he’s finding it workable and has now, after not being very happy about my project, pronounced, “This is going to be great!”

The hope of dialogue in faith communities

And, of course, our lives together also mirror the lives of those of us who seek to participate in faith communities. Two people, or two faith communities, can look at the same thing, and perceive it completely differently. They can both be right—but only if they agree that the world is much larger than their unique perceptions of it.

Unfortunately, such generous accommodations to multiple points of view tend to happen in faith communities far less than is healthy. “Either/or” discussions predominate rather than “both/and” dialogues.

I use the terms “discussions” and “dialogues” intentionally. “Discussions” tend toward a win/lose outcome; those engaging in “dialogue” seek to mindfully hear each other and learn together but also respect differing conclusions.”

In late February this year, delegates from The United Methodist Church met and, leaving behind the hope of dialogue, pushed the win/lose discussion to its furthest limits. The most likely future: a split that will devastate many and leave what has been a powerful connection in shredded shambles.

I covered the conference, blogging extensively, and growing increasingly disturbed. Three young clergymen there with the Press do a podcast called “Crackers and Grape Juice,” where they interview various religious experts about the issues confronting the church. I had done a couple of podcasts concerning United Methodist Church before but had never met the three of them in person until then.

Since we were together, we recorded two more podcasts. I spoke of the win/lose situation we were facing and confessed that I, too, was trying to find a way to “win” for my preferred position.

I also candidly admitted that by taking such a stance, I did great damage to my own soul. I firmly believe that the Kingdom of Heaven has nothing to do with a “winning” or “losing” side or with identifying who has the “best” doctrinal positions, but everything to do with acknowledging that the only thing that matters is the outpouring of grace from God.

This grace was most clearly seen by Jesus’ statement just before his agonizing death, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they do.”

Right now, there’s a lot of forgiveness needed. May God indeed have mercy upon us.

The Rev. Christy Thomas is a retired clergy member of the North Texas Annual Conference. This post is republished with permission from her blog, The Thoughtful Pastor, on Patheos.com