Special to United Methodist Insight
Dear United Methodist Church,
This letter has been on my heart for a long time and I hope that you will forgive me for being so late in writing to you. I feared that my voice would not be heard in the midst of the clamor of voices as we approach General Conference 2019; however, I cannot keep silent any longer.
Several months ago, a colleague of mine wrote on Facebook, “When it comes to General Conference 2019, let’s be honest. Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce and we are just trying to figure out who gets custody of the kids.”
Those words were an epiphany for me. At last, I had a metaphor to describe all the anxiety and dread I felt surrounding the issue of General Conference 2019. My colleague had succinctly and eloquently summarized my feelings. I had not felt this same strange sense of anxiety, fear, and foreboding since I was five years old.
Since then, I’ve seen this same sentiment expressed multiple different times in a variety of memes and images. This analogy strikes a chord with others as well.
A Fitting Metaphor
My parents officially divorced when I was five years old. I can still remember the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as I sat before the judge. I had never been in a courtroom before and I was terrified.
After the judge listened to my mother state her case, he turned his attention to me. “Who do you want to live with?” he asked.
I sat staring at him. My mouth felt as if it had been stuffed full of cotton.
The judge spoke again, more loudly this time, “Who do you want to live with?”
I turned my gaze toward my mother. She looked at me and her eyes were full of emotion. I opened my mouth to respond that I wanted to live with my mother, but then a thought occurred to me: If I said I wanted to live with my mother, would that mean that I would never see my father again? Would that mean that my father thought I didn’t love him?
“I want to live with my mother,” I croaked at last. Even to me, my voice sounded tiny and weak.
“Are you sure?” the judge asked.
It should have been an easy answer. My father had left before I was even born. I had barely gotten the chance to get to know him at all. Even on that day, he hadn’t bothered to appear in court; however, in my child’s heart, I could sense that nothing is ever as simple as it appears.
“Yes,” I said at last. This time I spoke with more confidence. “Yes, I’m sure.”
But I wasn’t sure of anything.
The Language of Love
Words have meaning. They have power. Consider the fact that Jesus was the most perfect Word made flesh (John 1:1). As we go into General Conference 2019, instead of asking the old question, “What would Jesus do?” I would like to encourage us to ask instead, “How would Jesus love?”
Are we loving one another as Christ loved us? Wesley defined Christian perfection as the state of being in which every action and every word is guided by the love of God. Are we still striving for Christian Perfection, as John Wesley encouraged us to do?
Furthermore, please remember our history of social justice and Jesus’s call to make provision for “the least of these (Matthew 25:45).”
As we look at the plans that are before us, please let us ask:
- How will each plan impact the most vulnerable among us?
- How will each plan impact people with disabilities?
- How will each plan impact women clergy?
- How will each plan impact people of color?
Right now, each plan claims to protect guaranteed appointments, but I know from personal experience (and I’m sure that you do as well) that these issues are incredibly complicated and nuanced. We cannot be sure of any single plan’s long-lasting repercussions.
Please remember, even in today’s modern world, there are churches who would happily turn away a female preacher if they were given a choice. There are many places where it can be challenging to find an appointment that is a good fit for an ordained elder, especially if that elder is a woman, a person of color, or a person with a disability. That is why it is so important that we recognize the far reaching and long term repercussions that these actions could cause and the ways in which they could impact some of the most vulnerable among us for years to come.
May Our Actions Be Guided By Love
It has been 25 years since my parents’ divorce and one thing I have learned for certain is that in situations of divorce, no one truly wins. Our Social Principles state that divorce, “is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness ( ¶161.D).” Our Social Principles also recognize that divorce has “devastating emotional, spiritual, and economic consequences,” for everyone involved (¶161.D).
When I was ordained eight months ago, I cried because I was so happy. I meant my vows when I covenanted with you, my dearest United Methodist Church, to always serve to the best of my ability.
Please, dearly beloved church, no matter what the future holds, may we continue to be united by the love of Christ, the love of God, and love for one another.
With All My Love,
Rev. Rebecca L. (Torres) Holland, M.Div.
The Rev. Rebecca L. Holland is an ordained elder in the Susquehanna Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church. She is a writer and disability awareness advocate. She writes about faith, diverse books, and disability awareness on her blog, Rev. Rebecca Writes. Her chapbook, Through My Good Eye: A Memoir in Verse, is available from Amazon.