Who Will Have Power of Attorney to Care for an Ailing #UMC?

August 9, 2018

11:51 AM

A compilation of plans for The UMC in 2019

Elder Care

Photo by DepositPhotos.

I’ve often heard the analogy that right now the United Methodist Church is like two people in divorce proceedings or at least marital counseling. They have irreconcilable differences, a word some folks know from personal experience, others from celebrity gossip news. The UMC is like two parties each firm in their beliefs, and there is no way forward together.

But:

That’s too neat of a metaphor (almost clinical in its presentation) when real life divorce is messy and traumatic…
That’s too “final” of a metaphor as if the division is a foregone conclusion…
And too small of an analogy with just two perspectives when there are so many perspectives in our diverse church…

We need a better metaphor to talk about the church.

Ailing Parent: A Better Metaphor

I think of The United Methodist Church like an ailing parent whose children are quarreling over her best course of treatment.

This is a familiar metaphor to many. With extended life expectancy, many folks have aging parents, either at home with them or nearby or in a retirement community near or far. Many folks have siblings or other people with which they might quarrel about their care. Making the later life and end-of-life decisions about parents is an emotional rollercoaster and often brings out difficulties when there is a difference in desire for a way forward between multiple parties.

The church as we know it today is 50 years old. That doesn’t seem old, but the church has changed through merger or schism frequently in our past. It even split 60 years after it began in 1784 to the schism north and south before the civil war in 1844 (and had several schisms and breakaways before that). Various mergers and schisms since then finally settled in 1968, so we are 50 years old this year.

The image I set before you today is that the big tent United Methodist Church is an ailing parent. It hasn’t turned a corner towards inevitability, but it doesn’t have the markers of improvement to be covered by insurance either. It has served well the world from whence it came, and it has nurtured each of us in different ways as we grew in our faith. But many factors have compounded over the years, and the reality is that the overall structure is perhaps now too weak to stand.

There may be a miracle cure in the coming years, and that is what we should all pray for, but the grim reality is that the church will not be the church we know in the coming years. A path of normalcy is elusive, and like most transitions, the new normal has not yet set in. And we have multiple parties quarreling about the best path ahead.

Four Children Vying for Authority

Today, four children are caring for their aging parent, and they each have a different plan of care, each heartfelt and each very different.

The first sibling in Christ thinks that their parent would be better if their care was divided among three groups, each tasked with a different kind of attention. The first sibling proposes the Connectional Conferences plan. It divides United Methodism differently: instead of dividing by regions, this would divide us by our beliefs on the inclusion of LGBTQ persons. So we would have a progressive Methodist conference that is open and affirming, a conservative one that is not affirming, and a moderate conference that lets everyone choose their own adventure. Perhaps that’s the way we need to care for our ailing parent: keep the siblings apart, let them live their lives, and only come together for the family reunion once every few years. “Good fences make good neighbors” as the saying goes.
The second sibling in Christ wants to keep the family together and wants each of us to grow in our own way. A total middle child peacemaker, she proposes the One Church plan. It keeps our structure, our regional conferences, and allows each region to make their own decisions around LGBTQ inclusion. So Washington State could choose to ordain LGBTQ persons and to host weddings for all people, but Oklahoma may decide not to ordain gay or lesbian folks (but local churches can host weddings for all their members). Choose your own adventure, in a way, and your experience doesn’t affect your neighboring states, just like American states today.
The third sibling has had a frustrating life. Probably the oldest, the firstborn, the one most used to enforcing the rules. The sibling has tried for 40 years to keep LGBTQ people out of their parent church’s blessing and leadership. They put language that defines the limits of God’s love in our book of polity. They put in punishments for pastors and for bishops that proclaim God’s love for all people. And in this season of the church, this sibling has decided to say “my way or the highway.” This sibling proposes the Traditionalist Plan that makes the rules so stringent and the punishments so severe that they hope the other siblings leave their parent and never come back. Now, the sibling is willing to give generously of the parents’ possessions to anyone who wants to leave United Methodism. So churches that want to affirm LGBTQ people can take their buildings and their pastors and go. Then the Traditionalist sibling can relax, knowing that gay kids are never born to straight parents.
But there’s a fourth option, probably the youngest sibling who is always disagreeing with the firstborn. This one says that the rules making some family members second class are stupid and outdated, as there’s no reason for a wall between apple trees and pine trees. That sibling offers the Simple Plan: No big reorganization of the church, and no different conferences or diversity. Just simply remove all the restrictions based on sexual orientation and gender identity from the Discipline. Removal of those lines means that gay pastors can serve, churches can hold weddings, but those who affirm neither don’t have confessional statements they have to say that affirm it either. It seems progressive, but it just makes space for inclusion as it doesn’t name it directly.

Power of Attorney

So we have these four siblings who each care deeply about their parent, each hold firmly to their beliefs. Because they cannot agree, they put it to a vote in February 2019 that will determine which sibling has the most popular plan. Popular as in the most votes cast, not popular as in the actual votes for the last Presidential election.

In the meantime, we continue the work of care for the Church so that their vital organs are nurtured, and their continued presence is known. We continue to baptize, to proclaim the Risen Christ, to seek justice, to invite more people into this wayward, tilting family, because that’s who the Church is and this is what we do.

Who will prevail in February? Who will be given authority to care for our ailing parent? The choice is yours. Go and spend time with your family member (delegate) being sent to this family meeting, and encourage them as to the sibling in Christ you most support. And join me in prayer and advocacy for February 2019.

Your Turn

Thoughts?

Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing on social media.

The Rev. Jeremy Smith serves as lead pastor of First United Methodist Church in Seattle, Wash. This post is republished with permission from his blog Hacking Christianity.

Comments (3)

Comment Feed

Thoughts?

My thoughts are that the ailing parent metaphor is a very poor portrayal of the proposed plans for the ailing (dying) UMC. I am one of 4 siblings. Mom died at age 84 suddenly at home in the middle of the night, while my sister (the oldest sib, who lives out of state) visited in Mom and Dad's home, and after Mom had had a very good day, the dementia much better than most. Dad lived to age 94 and died after being admitted to the local nursing home after he was weak and debilitated to the point that he was requiring two full time caregivers in the home rather than one. Within a month he contracted pneumonia and subsequently died with all the children at the bedside but me, who was minutes away and had been at the bedside many hours in the several days prior to his demise. So pardon me if I am a little sensitive to the metaphor presented.

We were all raised in and confirmed in the Methodist Church. Sib #1 (the only female) rose in the corporate ranks to HR director for a large chemical company and as she approached retirement, went to seminary and subsequently was ordained as a Presbyterian minister. She had attended Presbyterian churches much of her adult life, and I suspect not Methodist ones because her "progressive" worldview was better represented there. Sib #2, the optometrist, went off to the State University, where I suspect he was indoctrinated into liberalism, secular humanism, progressivism, and anti-Christian beliefs such that he has been without church affiliation much of his adult life. His wife died last month at age 73. At the memorial service, I (sib #3) was asked to do the invocation and Scripture reading. Sib #1 did the eulogy and reflections. Sib #4 did the message. The pastor and a retired pastor from a local UMC were in attendance, as sib #2 had made connection with that church in his wife's final weeks of life. I (the family physician) flew (good terminology, my first flight was off to college at USAFA) from the nest at age 17, and after the 4 college years, have been a member in regular attendance in UMC churches in VA, MD, WA, AK, and OH. We ended up in the same small town as Mom and Dad for their last several years. Sib #4 went to the same State University as Sib #2, but got connected to a local church and reacted to the university indoctrination and went from University to seminary to ordination as an elder in the UMC, where he served as pastor of a 2 point charge until his DS and Bishop told him he either needed to tone down his pro-life rhetoric or leave the UMC, which he did, and has served as pastor in a CMA church ever since.

As I read Rev Smith's analogy, I have to confess that my mind went to euthanasia and assisted suicide and how these "progressive" practices might be brought into the analogy. I have not had any insight there, but will offer the insight that the none of the 4 siblings suggested euthanasia for Dad. Any could have.

Scott more than 5 years ago

Analogies

I think the analogy works better if we understand that all parents die. Then the question isn't care, but what to do with the assets. Which seems more relevant to our situation. One child wants to split ideologically (One Conference), one regionally (do nothing), and the others want winner-take-all (One Church, The Simple Plan, The Traditional Plan).

Chad more than 5 years ago

Metaphorically speaking, how many metaphors has Dr. Jeremy?

Dr. Jeremy’s last week’s metaphors about grocery shopping have meta-morphed into this week’s metaphors about off-springs and old folks. What’s next, buying a metaphorical-car or routing a metaphorical-vacation?
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I implore the Editor allow me to offer a metaphor I have used before in order to explore a counter-metaphor opinion:
I don’t eat raw fish. I don’t listen to RAP music. I don’t hate those who enjoy those things, but I don’t go to those places where rap or raw fish are served. Never have. Never will. I might know or pass those patrons and be cordial, we might even attend the same church or ball game, but theirs is a different world and I am happy with my own world, thanks. Point is, I can sit next to almost any sinner in the pew, but I am selective about who leads my worship and what that worship includes.
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I think we are at a point when we need to focus on the REALITY of our situation: It irreconcilable. It is for many of us non-negotiable. And, the future is not in doubt - the debt and demise of the Episcopal Church is a very clear, factual and relevant example.

Reese more than 5 years ago